Hope you like bullet points

Cause I'm too MFing tired to write paragraphs.

• New glove and blocker are getting more comfy. Yay.
• Scotty tried to kill me or make me barf but skater drills requiring a goalie started up and I was saved by the whistle. Thank god. I was huffin' and puffin'. Good stuff. Thought I was gonna hurl early in that first drill though.
  
• Amazing how dumb I get when I'm exerting myself. Like, simple questions I'm all, "I'm sorry, I don't understand the question." Just. Can't. Process. Use drawings and monosyllabic words.
• Let in 3 goals but I think I only saw about 6 shots. Okay, maybe a few more, but my team was definitely NOT on the "let the goalie see shots" plan. It was more like, "For the love of fuck, don't let them get in our zone." I wasn't playing well, but I will be sharper tomorrow night at the SLICE drop-in.
• Did not muster my swagger tonight. Not even close. But Scott drilled into me to challenge challenge challenge and it helped. Tomorrow night, I'll challenge challenge challenge, bitches.
• Knee pads worked! They're a little uncomfortable but it's hella better than my knee hitting the ice over and over and I didn't have to remove any of the current knee stack. Win!
  
• I have an episode of Trailer Park Boys playing as I write this because the house is quiet, and Ricky's "drawing a line" on the grass with duct tape. Haha... Love it.
• Hung out after and drank beer alternated with water, because this time I needed to be able to drive home. Smart girl. But then we got hungry and I needed to pee so I made a Whataburger run and got taquitos for everyone. The Whataburger folks were a little thrown off my my request for 20 taquitos, but they got 'er done while I went to a gas station to use the bathroom (their dining room was closed already).
  
• I do not pee in bushes, TYVM. Princess demands a flush toilet.
• Had fun getting to know Doug a little better. His kid's heading up to ON to play on a Junior A team, which is pretty neat for a Texas kid.
  
• It was just good in general to have some beers, not even care what time it was, and hang out with my teammates. Maybe I needed a little of that brand of bonding after a really tough month in goal. Sometimes it can be pretty lonely back there, especially when the guys head off to their own locker rooms and all the "chatter" about whatever I've done only gets back to me filtered through Scott. Leaves me with a lot of self-doubt with regard to my teammates. And self-doubt is one of those things I tried to give up in my 30s, so I'm not enjoying it's return to my life.
  
• Man, I stink. In the "go take a shower, stinky!" sense of it. But at least I had the energy to put the trash and recycling out so I don't have to get up early and deal with it. Woot.
• After tomorrow night at SLICE, I don't play again until the Sunday after Labor Day weekend. Frankly, I've been wallowing in so much angst, I'm looking forward to a week of freedom from that flavor of anxiety. I always play better when I miss the game a bit. Lately, it has dominated my thoughts and I'm a little tired of it, frankly.
  
• Case in point, I don't even feel like writing about the actual time on the ice. It wasn't fun and I wasn't happy with my play. Why elaborate?

Okay. Bed time. I'm gonna hate my life tomorrow.

Here's my new favorite song. It's gets me in a FU mood, but in a good way. Kinda fits a theme of fighting to get my confidence back, stop being intimidated, etc. Rock on, kids. Have a great Monday.