Breezy Saturday

I'm sitting on the deck this afternoon, enjoying being just a little bit sticky, but also a cool breeze that's making it almost pleasant to be outside.

All while reminding myself in my best pessimistic inner voice that this doesn't mean Fall is coming. It just means Canada is blowing some mercy southward for a day or two. Thank you for so many things, Canada, but especially thank you for the occasional bearable summer day in Houston.

Here's the run down so far:

Got hooked on watching Dexter online from Netflix. Good shit but probably shouldn't have watched so much of it last night before going to bed, because a) it gave me really fucked up dreams and b) there was no way in hell I was gonna get up and go to the 4:45 stick and puck.

And I really kinda needed to go to try out my knee pads before tomorrow night. Alas, it will be trial by fire for that gear configuration, and after last week, I think Scott may literally be bringing a gun.

Went to lunch with Fred at Christian's. FMD those are some good burgers. Just not the same without Dr. Pepper though. *sniff* I miss you, Doc! And of course, it was great to talk hockey and catch up, but also Fred brought me a prezzie! A 20x30 of this photo:

Photo by Fred Trask

I have no idea what made Fred think I'm a fan of Barry's... *innocent face*

Seriously though, it's so magnificent and life-sized, I nearly threw my bra at it. I don't call Fred Mr. Awesome for nothing, kids.

And now I'm thinking about all the errands I need to run but REALLY don't want to on a Saturday afternoon with everybody else in Houston. But the dog is down to his last meal, so I guess I better be a good mommy and feed him before he starts eating boxes of Kleenex and rolls of toilet paper.

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I've also been thinking a lot about my horrible clusterfuck of a game last week. And when I look back, I can't think of a single shooter I challenged. All I did, all night long, was back up into my crease like the incredible shrinking goalie.

There's stuff going on there, but the bottom line is that it's just one of those things where I have to accept my circumstances and battle through on my own, and I think a big key to doing so is going to be playing with high confidence.

I haven't had much confidence for a while. And I'm realizing that I have to find a way to get my swagger back without coming off like an asshole to my teammates, because I think when you're as bad a goalie as I am, you'll die on the vine waiting to *earn* the swagger.

You just have to come with it, if for no other reason than you're The MFing Goalie, and let it flow. Swagger gives you the bravado to challenge even the best shooters and to keep goals against from getting to you. I just have to find a way to have swagger in my heart and not on my lips.

Fake it til you make it, right?

Meanwhile, I can think about it all I want, but I have to put it into action Sunday at practice and Monday (when I play the SLICE drop-in again). Wish me luck.