FMD: The Texans Are Awful

You know what gives you the worst Fuck Me Dead feeling ever? When the peak of your energy and joie de vivre for the day hits you at about 10:30 at night.

I guess if you're one of those kids who's cooler than me and doesn't START going out until 11, then it's just right, but somehow I completely missed that period of my life. I was busy being poor and responsible and square. Fuck. I need some youngsters to party with, eh?

Anyway, I'm saying Fuck a lot because I had to go to the Texans game tonight, which is like the second worst Fuck Me Dead feeling ever. Pre-season. Against the Saints. *sigh* They should have named that building Dementor Stadium because that team just rips the will to live right out of my soul.

I mean, on the very worst night of Jacques Lemaire's "The Trap Hockey That Ate Minnesota," it's like a freaking carnival of delight compared to this football game tonight.

And I was excited to go! I'm trying to put a good foot forward about football this season. I'm trying to muster the love I used to have for it before Warren "Crazy Eyes" Sapp went to the Raiders and John "Every Day and Twice on Sunday" Lynch went to Denver. Yeah, I was a Bucs fan for a few really fun years. Gruden was evil and hilarious. Mr. Derek Brooks really WAS my favorite player. Right behind Martin Gramatica. (I'm not kidding. I actually have a Gramatica jersey. Please love me anyway.)

Then they won the Super Bowl, which most people thought was boring but I was still reeling from the fact that they FINALLY beat the Eagles at home in cold weather to get there. The fact that they actually crushed the Raiders was just cream gravy on a really fun season.

But now I have Texans season tickets. I enjoyed games the first couple of seasons, what with hating the shit out of David Carr, but when Sage Rosenfels helicoptered last season, it was over. Like that moment when you know... you just can't do this anymore. Take your ring back, give me your set of keys, you can pick up your shit later. Don't call me ever again. I'm rarely so decisive about things. But it was O.V.E.R. and it still is.


I don't feel so hostile toward them any more but they still are just awful and inept and boring. Reliant Stadium is where football joy goes to die. But now I just kind of feel sorry for it. And bored. So BORED. If they ran two consecutive plays without a challenge, a penalty, or a timeout, I missed it. They need to speed this shit up.

Anyway, long day tomorrow of packing the Mister up and sending him on his way to Kansas City (where we now have a partial Chief's season ticket package... here's hoping for happier feelings about that team). And then a long hockey game tomorrow night, which I'm really looking forward to after laying around being sick all week.

I love you, hockey... more today than yesterday, but not as much as after sitting through Texans football.

(P.S. This needs music...)