Cross the blue line with that thing and I'm pulling the trigger

I'm too angry tonight to write much about drop-in. It was a bad night. Top to bottom. I've never said this about playing goal, but I wish I'd just stayed home.

My instinct was to not go, because I was feeling tired and fried mentally from kind of a draining 24 hours prior, but I made a commitment to play for this group every week. I should have made a plan for how to deal with it when things didn't go my way. Something to focus on so that I didn't get dragged under my own mental bog of ... whatever... that's sitting on me this week.

I won't even talk about the game. It would all be deemed excuse-making and maybe another week where I'm not on The Brink anyway, I would have coped better, but I coped for shit. I just got angry and discombobulated.

Moreover, I didn't have fun and as much as I want to blame everyone else, it was on me to keep the right attitude in the face of adversity, and I didn't muster the strength and composure to do that.

There's so much more I want to say, but I just need to cool down and get some perspective and try to learn from this.

Lesson for the night: Don't let the play of the team in front of you affect YOUR confidence level in net.

I don't play again until Sunday. Hopefully I'll find some peace and not want to hack people to bits with my stick by then. Have a therapeutic lunch scheduled with my friend tomorrow so I can hopefully exorcise the demons that are plaguing me off-ice (but I'm apparently bringing them on the ice with me, if tonight is any indication).

Man. Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer, eh? But this blog has always been about documenting this journey and keeping it as real as I can without getting too many people mad at me. Sometimes I'm just a bitch, and sometimes it sucks being the goalie and sometimes I just want to make saves with a motherfucking shotgun. Tonight's one of those nights.

Let's mellow out, bitches: