Monday, December 21, 2009

Quick Hits: CBT, Squee, Knee, Ass, Regret, Vitamins, Boobs, Almond

First of all, Andrew noticed tonight that old friend Benoit Pouliot scored in his first game with Hamilton today. We couldn't tell what happened as both Alex Salak and Chrissy Beckford-Tseu had minutes for the Amerks. If he'd scored on CBT, my reaction is, "Yeah? And?"

But Salak is a good goalie, and it turns out that's who he scored on. BUT Salak left the game after that due to a bunged up shoulder (rub some dirt on it, kid), and CBT took over and sieved it up.

Apparently the crowd booed him simply for being put in the game, before play even started. I knew Amerks fans hated the guy, but wow. And coach Benoit Groulx threw him under the bus a bit after the game. Check out the article at Let's Go Amerks.

So I read this and I think "WHY THE FUCK IS CBT IN THE AHL AND BARRY ISN'T?" Well, he is at the moment but Dubielewicz will be back and then... ugh, I can't even... never mind. Changing the subject. But you get my point.

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Speaking of which.... #33.... in an Aeros sweater today.

That is all.

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My knee hurts. And rest isn't making it better. This concerns me. But it's a weird hurt and I can't figure out the source to try and make it better.

But speaking of body parts, I noticed when I was hopping in the shower today that playing goal has given me a spectacular ass. I mean, yeah, it's a little extra padded, but damn. And I'm totally not saying that in a bragging way. I'm just saying... like... wow. Hi there, ass! Where'd you come from?

I'd totally embed the "Baby Got Back" video right here, but I fucking hate that song. And yet, it's entirely appropriate.

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I'm probably gonna regret that last bit in the morning when I'm rested. I do that fairly often. Type stuff at 3 a.m. and I ALWAYS think, "Okay, how am I gonna feel about having said that in the morning?" and I ALWAYS think, "Ahhh, you're just keepin' it real, Ms.C. That's what this is about!" And then the next day, I think, "Oh please let someone comment positively and get me off the hook for this awkwardness."

So feel free to tell me I do in fact have a nice ass or that goalies do in fact have better than average asses. Sadly I've seen too few, other than my own.

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So, every day I take a B-12 vitamin, Omega 3 whatever vitamin, and a multi-vitamin. And every morning it's like nibbling at a candy store, because they make all these vitamins now in chewy or gummy form.

My B-12s are sort of like gummy beans. My Omega 3 whatevers are like sour patch kids (except more sweet than sour, but sugar-coated and gummy). And my multi-vitamin is like a Tootsie Roll.

Every time I take my vitamins, I feel like I'm getting over on adulthood. Like, "You can make me responsible enough to finally start taking vitamins regularly but you can't make me take grown-up ones!"

It's the same feeling I get when I leave my house at 9 at night to go play hockey. Everybody else is going to bed, winding down, and I'm getting pelted with rubber. Oh my god, that's the best feeling.

Update: Fellow goalie Nick says to throw some glucosamine into the mix for my janky knee. But look what it does to my pretty candy store of vitamins:

Okay, fine. But it better help if it's going to look so vitaminy. Hmph.

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Ohhh, but you know what's not a good feeling? So I replaced the elastic on the back of my chest protector because it had lost its elasticity and I made it pretty snug because it makes me crazy when my chest protection would catch on my pants and puff out and obstruct my view downward.

So, the snug elastic fixed that and it's really comfortable now. EXCEPT.... when I get hit in the boob. I guess the looseness before would create an air pocket that would dull the hit when I took one right to the chest.

Now I have no air pocket and it's just straight transference from the puck to my chest padding, to my "chest padding." Talk about stinging. It goes away after a minute and I can ignore it if I need to deal with puck business, but I appreciate a good clearing after a shot like that so I can wince in peace for a bit.

Not sure what I can do about it besides wince and whine, because not having all that padding lumping up sure has helped my downward vision.

Oh well. I asked to be hit with pucks. Guess a few boob stingers won't kill me. I'm gonna get serious on that armored bra idea though.

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Watch this space for my next PHN piece. I haven't been real happy with them lately because the Aeros have been so blaaaaaand and hard to write about, but Constantine was great on a couple of subjects I asked him about.

A guy I'm really liking is Cody Almond and KC is possibly even higher on him than I am (and certainly more qualified to say so). Wild fans are gonna love it.

10 comments:

buddhafisch  December 21, 2009 at 8:30 AM  

A small story that may help you out of your awkwardness.

About seven or eight years ago while at work in one of any number of retail places I have worked, a rather attractive young lady walked in wearing an old MN North Stars jersey. After talking to her as required by the man code, she mentioned she played hockey.

I asked for whom and she said she was a goalie. For the Gophers. Yeah, she had a serious ass on her.

One of those moments, if only I had it all to do again. I was, unfortunately, in a relationship at that point and could not do anything about anything. Ugh.

But yes, I would agree that goalies, at least the female ones, have above average asses. I will leave judgment of the male goalies to you, H.

Ms. Conduct  December 21, 2009 at 8:45 AM  

I knew you'd come through for me B! Ha! Shame about that one though... turning down a goalie hookup. But I, uh, understand. :)

Nick  December 21, 2009 at 10:02 AM  

Take 3-4 weeks off from playing, play your first game back and what's sore the most?

A. Your forearm, unless you're a guy. :P
B. Your ass ... ding, ding, ding!

You should make your own commercial to compete with the Iron Door Gym, only it'd be footage of you playing goal ... "just 3 nights straight goaltending 1/week and you can have a rock-hard ass like Ms. Conduct!" ... LET'S GO, PRINCE!!

PS - hope your knee starts feeling better soon, it might be time to add another vitamin called glucosamine.

Ms. Conduct  December 21, 2009 at 10:11 AM  

So maybe if I gave more handjobs I'd have a stronger stick arm? Ha! Wow. Um... anyway.

So true. After being out a couple of weeks sick, it was the ol' gluteus maximus that was burning (and the forearm... ahem.)

Scotty's always hiking up his shorts and talking about how nice goaltending has made his legs, but I'm claiming ass domination. Move over Beyonce.

Do they make gummy glucosamine?

Nick  December 21, 2009 at 10:36 AM  

If you didn't order the ISO 7x and get the bonus forearm then yeah, maybe ... LMAO. ;-)

Bootylicious!

Good luck finding gummy glucosamine, I only picked up pills this last weekend at Costco after getting off the Joint Juice.

Ms. Conduct  December 21, 2009 at 10:37 AM  

How do you like the ones from Costco? That's probably the route I'd go (and where I got my gummy Omegas 3s).

Nick  December 21, 2009 at 11:45 AM  

Not sure yet, I haven't even cracked open the bottle since I have some Joint Juices to finish off ... so I don't even know what they look like. I'll definitely save a lot more money going the pill route.

Hey, hey ... I almost forgot! Avs vs. Minny tonight! You gonna be online tonight or are you going to try and play on your wonky knee? You'll have to email me your chat handle if you're not playing.

Sounds like the Wild need to watch some more Smokey the Bear commercials! Good thing they're playing in their own barn, that way they're familiar with where all the Play-It-Agains are in Minneapolis. ;-)

Ms. Conduct  December 21, 2009 at 12:34 PM  

Ohhhh, snap. Yeah, my big boys have had a little bit of a rough week, eh? Sounds like they're getting healthier at least.

BTW, I updated the post above with what glucosamine does to my pretty vitamin display. :)

Maybe I should host a live blog tonight for the occasion?

But add me to chat anyway. I'm on Yahoo chat, ms_conduct10. Oddly, every single person on my Yahoo chat is a goalie. I like that a lot.

bald moose  December 21, 2009 at 12:58 PM  

"playing goal has given me a spectacular ass."
"Everybody else is going to bed, winding down, and I'm getting pelted with rubber. Oh my god, that's the best feeling..."
"So maybe if I gave more handjobs I'd have a stronger stick arm? Ha! Wow. Um... anyway."

i really really dont know what to say. Other then..i think i am in love...

Ms. Conduct  December 21, 2009 at 1:10 PM  

LMAO. That's my MO. Make you love me and then I can be as annoying as I want but you'll stick around. Just ask my husband.

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