I need goalie therapy. Or maybe just therapy.

Another tough day at stick and puck, but they didn't hold back this time, so that was good. It was an honest beating.

The good looking one in green with a bit of a Scandinavian look and accent... we'll call him Green Hottie... finally was like, "Why aren't you dropping? You're so much better when you butterfly."

Green Hottie wants me to go down. Heh.

Anyway, yeah, so, it was another one of those days, and I'm getting so frustrated with myself. It's like, "Here's what you need to do to improve." and my instinct is all, "No thanks, I'll stand." Augh! Why?

Lemme tell ya though, if there was some kinda hockey where goals that went in on the ice didn't count, I'd be the fucking Martin Brodeur of that kinda hockey. Warm-ups were great. I heart my blocker side so much. That thing just knows where to be. So I'm all jazzed when we start and then, boom. Suck. Everything is on the ice. Every deke gets around me. Every back door pass is in the net.

I dunno what it's going to take to stop being so stubborn about this. I've got to sort myself out.

This was almost as bad as that really awful novice game a while back that I spent the whole next day beating myself up over. Not gonna let it go that long this time. Coach Stalin and some coworkers are going skating at Space City on Friday and she invited me. There's a stick and puck after, so I'll hit that, too.

I try to think of something I did well each time I have games like this. Some glimmer of growth. There's just not much today. Other than wanting to have babies with my blocker side. You rock, blocker! I did try to challenge shooters more aggressively, but usually it backfired into a pass to the backdoor and a goal. F**k those brats.

Oh, here's an amazing thing: I haven't gotten a single hard shot in the boob since I started until today. And today I got hit in the knockers twice. That shit hurts! How some woman goalie hasn't invented an armored bra, I just don't understand. I may have to get on that.

Oh oh! (Mr. Kotter!) I did get to whack and shove a few guys! A couple of times, the boys would park at my door step and I had time to give two of them a good hard jab in the back with my glove or stick. One I hit extra hard because he was a major douchebag (we'll call him Douchebag). Douchebag came in on me and deked at the last second to score. I put my stick around his ankles but he's a big boy and managed to stay up. Damn. A faceplant would have made me awfully happy.

And Canada just lit me the fuck up. I dunno. He just finds the holes. And then when we switched ends and he's on my side, he's calling every goal lucky. I can't decide whether I like that or it irritates me. Both at once. No, it was bad goaltending, but thanks for not just grumbling at me after it.

Also, on the way home, I was following a big gasoline truck and it hit a bird. Feathers went everywhere. I see that as a bad omen for the Aeros tonight.

Sorry, that was a rambling mess. Kinda like my game today.