3 a.m., then 7 a.m.

Woke up before my alarm this morning, so I've got some time to kill before I head to the 4:45 a.m. stick and puck and FINALLY put skate to ice for the first time in almost two weeks. Not sure who will be there since Scott TFCG (as a refresher, that's The Fucking Canadian Goalie) and his family are up in Alberta rolling with their Canadian homies. I'm jealous. Bet it's not 104 outside there, eh?

But I mainly want to work on stuff by myself, maybe see a few shots. I don't feel a huge obligation to be a target for anyone at this particular stick and puck because I'm not paying less than anyone else, so I should get to do whatever I need to do. I'm selfish and I like it, bitches.

The bum knee is feeling better in tiny measures. It's not waking me up when I turn over in bed anymore, so that's a nice thing. I bought a Cho-pat strap to wear and see if it helps. Kinda doubt it but it's worth a shot.

Anyway, thought I'd give a little round up of cool shit:

Justin Bourne, aka Big Tunafish, has new digs at his blog and even offered up some video in honor of the occasion. You know how someone will remind you of someone else but you can't figure out who? I'm having that problem after seeing that video. It will come to me at some really inappropriate time today.
~~~~~

One of my very favorite times of the off-season is Wild Development Camp week. All the adorable behbehs roll into St. Paul and get run ragged by Constantine, get coaching on stuff like nutrition, strength training, power skating, and dealing with the media, and generally just run around being adorable.

There's always lots of video and "blogging" and whatnot and the boys are so much sillier and funnier when they're younger. I guess guys get bored and jaded by cameras in their faces after a while and they learn all the cliches and how willing the media are to accept them. Anyway, it's just sweet and you want to pinch their cheeks and give them $10 to buy some candy.

And it's even more the case this year with Colton Gillies as sort of the elder statesman and spokesmodel of the bunch. Kid is straight up goofy and completely unaffected. I adore him, and while the shredded wheat side of me very much wants him to stay in the NHL and not experience the disappointment of getting cut from training camp after already having spent a year with the big club... the frosted side of me really wants him in Houston so I can have him for myself. (Update: I'm mean, seriously! Read this!)

Here's Colt and the boys learning to cook. Apparently freshly drafted goalie Darcy Keumper tried to burn the building down. Can't take goalies anyplace nice.


~~~~~

My girl over at Getting Pucks Deep did her own hot goalie countdown. She even managed to make Flower look hot. I guess flash enough muscles at me and the giant chicklets aren't such an issue.

You can watch it at her site or watch it here and also see the effervescent Wrap Around Curl's disagreement with the ranking. These are important things we debate, people. Screw the economy and world issues. Hot goalie rankings are the new McLaughlin Group.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, back from stick and puck. There were 6 kids there and several adults. I stopped almost all of the adult shots and almost none of the kid shots. I fucking hate these little kids.

My time in net for them didn't last long. I let them all put a puck in on me 5-hole and then I retreated to the dark end of the ice to work on my own shit.

Can't say I worked hard particularly, but I did make some progress in terms of sort of thinking through why certain things aren't working for me. Like, even just recovering from the butterfly. Nobody ever told me that if I lean forward when I'm getting up and just recover to my stance, it's a lot easier. Maybe I shouldn't have needed to be told that, but being a naturally less athletic person, yes, some things do need to be spelled out in crayon for me.

I tried to slide in the butterfly. I can't do it any better than the first day I got out on the ice after I got my leg pads. I might as well be in sand. What's silly is that I can actually get a pretty good slide in just a knee-shuffle kinda move because my weight is distributed evenly. Somehow I can't seem to get my weight even (this was something I learned watching Brusty's camp) and push off and actually get somewhere.

And I worked on the hybrid/tight to the post save. Even though the rink people were too lazy to put the other net out so I was tight to the air next to the dark spot on the ice where the post sits... but still, I have a better feel for it, so that's good.

I also worked on moving the puck some more. Still suck at that. And I worked on backwards skating quite a lot, which I'm getting MUCH better at.

Most of all, I reassured myself that I can still skate after 2 weeks off the ice. And that it's still fun. As long as those kids aren't shooting on me.

Oh, but I had a Ms.Conduct Moment of OHSHIT Panic. One of the parents out there... I'm standing in the net taking a few shots and I look up at his face and I swear on my Nonnie's grave, it was Benoit Pouliot.

If my skull and mask were see-thru, you'd have seen my gears go into overdrive at that moment. Like, "Oh fuck, he's here to take my head off for all the mean things I've said about him. But, that's stupid. He's in Canada or St. Paul but certainly isn't in Houston paying for stick and puck at the mall rink at 5 a.m. on a Saturday with a little kid. But shit, that sure looks like him. And he's got some crazy European looking sweater on (and it looks appropriate, so I know I'm on target with my notion he should be playing in Europe), but so does the kid he's with, so, no, this can't be him."

And then he shot the puck. Right into my blocker. And again, blocker. And again, blocker. At which point, I decided it wasn't him because Ben would be shooting it right into my belly. :)

Goddamn, I love my blocker side. Even got my glove on a couple, so I think the catch I've been playing with Mr.C is helping. But I love my blocker side. I should take it out for ice cream later.

Anyway, enough of this. I've been promised french toast with fresh strawberries at my favorite breakfast place, Buffalo Grill. Go ahead and be jealous. It's the tastiest breakfast EVER.

Next up: Game tomorrow night. And hopefully redemption for the big bag of suck I left out there two weeks prior.

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Stick and puck, the kinder, gentler version

Went to another stick and puck yesterday, but it couldn't have been more different from the one I usually go to up at Willowbrook.

This was out at Space City and the timing is such that it's not conducive to the high school crowd popping in, at least during the school year. So, as it turned out, it was just me, two other guys, and a couple of rink employees.

But it was good to finally have some true stick and puck time rather than a drop-in, so I could work on my own things a bit, play around in the crease. That's really fun time for me because I get that chance so rarely. I even got to practice moving the puck a bit. (I still suck at it.)

Also helpful was that one of the guys was a true novice player, having just started last week, so his shots were very similar to what I see on Sunday nights. And the other guy has been playing since he was a kid, has coached at all sorts of levels, and now plays for the Maple Leaf Pub team. So he was great about putting the novice guy through some really valuable drills (including one I wish they'd do here for our novice league practices, which is learning to stop pucks with your skates when it's rimmed around the boards).

He also gave me a few pointers and helped me work on some lateral movement, which was awesome. I didn't catch either guy's name but a hearty shout-out to both of you for making that a positive experience that I got a lot out of.

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Here's kind of a funny thing. The two guys are leaving the ice at the end of the session and they introduce themselves to each other. I'm leaving through another door so I don't get involved in the introductions, but as I'm heading off, the Leaf guy says, "See you at the pub sometime, goalie?"

Goalie. I laughed to myself a little because I'm finding that rather often, in these sort of anonymous stick and puck environments, we're just called, "Goalie." Like on Wednesday, when I let the first shot on goal in and Green Hottie says, "Come on, goalie!"

All throughout my adult life, I've found it interesting to ponder my "identity" as it's perceived by the rest of the world. I'm my husband's wife, especially to his coworkers. I'm NOT anybody's mother, but because I'm of a certain age and female, people assume I have kids (I am my own kid, TYVM, and loving it).

I guess the only label I've ever really been okay with was "writer." Because, yeah, there's no denying that's The Thing I Do Best. Maybe it's not always all that good, but I am comfortable with "writer" as a key piece of my identity.

But now I'm being called "goalie" and again my name, or my individual identity is kind of irrelevant to a certain population. It's almost like being a department store Santa. Yeah, there's a bunch of us, but we're all just Santa when we're in our costumes. And we inspire awe and, sometimes fear, in little children. (Lemme tell ya... if you ever want to get stared at like a super hero by little kids, put on goalie gear.)

Anyway, I just thought that was a kind of funny phenomenon that I started picking up on this week. It doesn't bother me. I love being "goalie" but maybe I need to start telling people my name. "That's Ms.Goalie to you."

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I need goalie therapy. Or maybe just therapy.

Another tough day at stick and puck, but they didn't hold back this time, so that was good. It was an honest beating.

The good looking one in green with a bit of a Scandinavian look and accent... we'll call him Green Hottie... finally was like, "Why aren't you dropping? You're so much better when you butterfly."

Green Hottie wants me to go down. Heh.

Anyway, yeah, so, it was another one of those days, and I'm getting so frustrated with myself. It's like, "Here's what you need to do to improve." and my instinct is all, "No thanks, I'll stand." Augh! Why?

Lemme tell ya though, if there was some kinda hockey where goals that went in on the ice didn't count, I'd be the fucking Martin Brodeur of that kinda hockey. Warm-ups were great. I heart my blocker side so much. That thing just knows where to be. So I'm all jazzed when we start and then, boom. Suck. Everything is on the ice. Every deke gets around me. Every back door pass is in the net.

I dunno what it's going to take to stop being so stubborn about this. I've got to sort myself out.

This was almost as bad as that really awful novice game a while back that I spent the whole next day beating myself up over. Not gonna let it go that long this time. Coach Stalin and some coworkers are going skating at Space City on Friday and she invited me. There's a stick and puck after, so I'll hit that, too.

I try to think of something I did well each time I have games like this. Some glimmer of growth. There's just not much today. Other than wanting to have babies with my blocker side. You rock, blocker! I did try to challenge shooters more aggressively, but usually it backfired into a pass to the backdoor and a goal. F**k those brats.

Oh, here's an amazing thing: I haven't gotten a single hard shot in the boob since I started until today. And today I got hit in the knockers twice. That shit hurts! How some woman goalie hasn't invented an armored bra, I just don't understand. I may have to get on that.

Oh oh! (Mr. Kotter!) I did get to whack and shove a few guys! A couple of times, the boys would park at my door step and I had time to give two of them a good hard jab in the back with my glove or stick. One I hit extra hard because he was a major douchebag (we'll call him Douchebag). Douchebag came in on me and deked at the last second to score. I put my stick around his ankles but he's a big boy and managed to stay up. Damn. A faceplant would have made me awfully happy.

And Canada just lit me the fuck up. I dunno. He just finds the holes. And then when we switched ends and he's on my side, he's calling every goal lucky. I can't decide whether I like that or it irritates me. Both at once. No, it was bad goaltending, but thanks for not just grumbling at me after it.

Also, on the way home, I was following a big gasoline truck and it hit a bird. Feathers went everywhere. I see that as a bad omen for the Aeros tonight.

Sorry, that was a rambling mess. Kinda like my game today.

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Practice? We're talking about practice.

Well, I'm tired and sore. I guess that's something, but practice was pretty unsatisfying from a goalie perspective tonight. (But still more fun than anything else I do all week.)

No Scotty to abuse me (I'll admit to being relieved just a little). Not even Luther to at least get me out of the board-to-board skating drill with a few shots.

Drills went on forever and ever. First a forechecking drill that was actually pretty fun for me since it was mostly just breakaway-type shots, which I enjoy. Looked like a lot of damn work for the skaters though. Glad to be a goalie on that one.

Then a breakout drill that, like last time, bored me right outta my jill. Okay, it's wasn't that bad but it went on for like 20 minutes, the same thing. Ugh. I should have worked harder on that one, or even just kinda done my own thing working on some lateral movement stuff and if I stopped it, fine. But I was thinking I needed to keep something in the tank for the scrimmage.

I was wrong. The scrimmage was only 20 minutes and I only saw 3 shots, of which I let in one. It was an extremely stupid one where I didn't fly properly and the puck just skirted past the outside of my pad. If my pad had flipped out, it would have almost assuredly deflected into the corner off my toe. Also, I think Dan called offside about 8 times in 20 minutes. Let 'em play, man! :)

I really don't have time for stick and puck this week, but after such a ho-hum practice tonight and after my shellacking at stick and puck last week, I feel compelled to try and make that right. But then again, my wrist is really bothering me, so letting that rest wouldn't be an entirely bad thing. I dunno. I'll play it by ear, I guess.

I'm due for a good outing sometime, right?

Now I've stayed up too late and gotten hungry. Crap. We got nothing. Not even milk. Knew I should have stopped and gotten some chocolate milk on the way home.

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Moody

You'd think I'd be steppin' on leprechauns today after the Aeros surprising win last night, but apparently even a playoff win can't quell the tide of irritation I'm feeling today.

Not one thing in particular, just a host of small stuff that I'm trying not to sweat but am failing in varying degrees. Maybe I should just take a nap and STFU, but I don't have time for that. So I'll just ramble here a bit. It's how I roll. (After the fact, I can tell you, as long as it took me to write this, I could have taken a pretty nice nap.)

Goalie Demo Day... in Dallas

So, I'm banging around Facebook and, what's this? An ad in the sidebar that actually interests me? WTF? Is this some kind of Bizarro Facebook?

Anyway, it was for the Goalie Demo day that they're doing at the Player's Bench in Grapevine (Dallas), where you can try on gear and get out on the ice and have people shoot at you in the gear you're thinking of buying.

But what gripes me is that Texas goalies ALL have to go to Big D to actually try on gear before they buy it. It sucks. I really have no need for anything. My skates are fitting nicely now, I'm working a local glove and blocker angle (and don't really mind buying them online if it comes to that).

All I really would like after that is a new chest protector that doesn't leave my biceps so vulnerable but other than that, I like my c/a just fine. Honestly, the smell of it eases me in hockey mode (whereas the smell of my glove and blocker catapults me into "AUGH, my hands smell like ASS!!" mode).

Still wouldn't it be nice to just go to a big store and wallow in a selection of goalie gear? Man. I'm so jealous.

Hockey Vacation

So, my pal Nick does this thing where he plays goal for an adult hockey camp. It's not a goalie camp but they like to have students shooting on a moving target. That sounds like a helluva a way to spend a week, but I'm not ready for several hours a day for a week on the ice. However, it is my goal to attend next year.

But I was thinking... since it's pretty unlikely we'll get a vacation this year and I've got lots of vacation saved up, maybe I'll just take 4 afternoons a week for a couple of weeks to go to stick and pucks. Sort of a hockey half-vacation. Only burn 2 vacation days a week doing it and still get a day off after novice.

I dunno. Something to ponder. I need to see if goalies tend to show up more while school is out. I don't want to show up and they've already got 2 goalies. Too much hassle to not get to play the full hour.

Kurtis Foster

I was already really pissed that Fozzie didn't get at least among the finalists for the Masterton. Then I read in Russo today that the voting process was extremely squirrely. It's bullshit.

Not to diminish the accomplishments of the guys who were named finalists, but come on. If you followed what Foster went through and his incredible work ethic and positive attitude in coming back. I just don't see another story out that rates. Not even close.

Wow

My quad muscles are getting big. Cool. They're still sore after Wednesday's game. Must have been doing something different, as that's a new place to be sore. All that up and down, I guess. Go figure.

Coach Stalin and I are getting together Saturday do some hockey things. Just banging around like old times. Should be fun, and Scott TFCG is gonna be all on my ass Sunday night so I better have my fun while I can. :)

The 'rents are traveling through Houston and will come out Sunday night, so maybe I'll equip them with the video camera so I can face the harsh reality. Ugh. Not sure I'm ready for that.

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This is why Hockey is a great religion

Because there is no looking for signs or listening for voices or praying or any of that. You go out there and the hockey gods say YES or the hockey gods say NO. Clear as day.

Today, the hockey gods said NO to me. Oh, LORD, how I was smote at stick and puck. Those kids lit me the fuck up, especially early on. Like I wasn't even standing there. Incredible. And Mitch... with your back door passes. At least you knew to stay a stick's distance away from me after you scored, eh? Hmph. What a pal. ;)

Oh well. As I said Sunday, it's process. I was going down better and I'm getting my pads to fly properly more often than not. I went down a LOT more and with slightly better timing, got my toe to the post some of those times, but clearly don't have that whole thing even close to figured out. I'd find myself down and then reaching my leg out and not getting over far enough and, boom, right in the gap. Happened at least 3 times that I recall.

And then one I sealed my toe to the post and as I was basking in the glory of FINALLY getting that right, the fucker flipped it over my pad. So... Step 1: Drop. Step 2: Toe to the post. Step 3: Get the glove or blocker over to prevent chip-ins. Or maybe just start swinging that stick like a ninja. Haven't decided yet.

One thing I didn't do well that I usually do well at is making sure I'm ready energy-wise, but I was really busy all morning and hadn't eaten enough, so I had trouble staying sharp mentally. At one point, I made a save that went behind the net, but my team didn't clear it and when the white team set up again, I forgot that they weren't my team anymore (whites and darks had switched ends a few minutes earlier) and I'm all LOLcat-mush brain, which sounded something like this:

O HAI WHITEZ!

WAIT... WHY ISN'T U CLEARING PUK WHITEZ?

O SHIT! WHITEZ DA ENAMIE!

O FUK. WELCUM INTO NETZ, PUK.

SAD GOLIE SEZ BAD WERDZ.

Ahhhh, tragedy makes the best comedy, doesn't it?

Anyway... another day at the rink.

And since I've always got some kind of gripe, here's my gripe (What's Bugging Ms. Conduct?, if I can steal Barry's gig for a second):

Lookit, boys. SHOOT THE PUCK. I know I'm a girl and I suck and all but please PLEASE don't let up on shots. Pass, deke, whatever, but if you're gonna shoot, don't shoot for me to save it. Shoot to get a goal. Otherwise, I learn nothing. I'd rather get lit up and have my day ruined and my confidence shot to hell than have false confidence from guys purposely shooting into my belly or pads.

Honestly, I don't wear all that gear because it's comfortable or smells good or I look cute in it. /rant

(Oh, but speaking of gear, my skates didn't hurt one iota today! I think I've finally figured out that if I don't lace them tightly until the third set from the top, that works perfectly.)

Naturally, I've started nicknaming a few of these kids. Of course, Mitch and Mikey are just Mitch and Mikey (though Mitch was "GODDAMNIT!!!" a few times today), but the kid in black, #10 with the grey on his black pants... he's "Canada" and the guy in white with the cornflower blue socks... he's "Blue Socks"... I know, it's Earth-shattering stuff. The things goalies do to amuse themselves while trying not to think too much...

Anyway, it was fun, though it's more fun when I don't have to hear "Pull the goalie"... Pull me, fuck you.

*ahem*

So as to not finish this on a bitter note (because I'm totally not), I saw this on the so-lovely-I'd-switch-teams-for-her Sarah Spain's Twitter today and I totally related to the little squirrel. How sweet is that?

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Got Poulioted

Forgot to mention in my stick and puck report the other day that I actually got Poulioted by one of those punk kids.

Like this (except this goalie had a fighting chance of getting a glove on it):


I know other people do this move, but I'd never seen anything like it until I saw Pouly do it. And when there's no defense to contend with, I don't think there's a prettier, more graceful skater out there.

I was just thinking about this today as questions of whether he'll get re-signed by the Wild (he's an RFA) are starting to get floated. I'll tackle that over at T3I when the Aeros are done for the season.

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Ms.Conduct dominates the shit out of stick and puck

Okay, not really. Some Canadian kid in black did. (How do I know he was Canadian? He said, "Nice save, eh?" Dude is straight off the plane from Manitoba, I bet my favorite tuque on it.)

But I did play well, I thought, and I have the bizarre aches to prove it. Stopped one shot with the inside of my ankle. Not a super hard one but not much padding there either. But it was a difficult save that I wouldn't have normally gotten over for but I was all bringing the noise right then and got in front of it. Sick. I was so proud.

Also made some really nice blocker saves and one with the shaft of my stick. Bitches, don't go blocker side on me. I got that. Glove side is another story.

One guy was nice enough to come over and say, "Hey, hold your glove up and open and you'll be bigger." Oh yeah. I think I'd kinda written off my glove side. Felt better after that. Amazing how your form kinda falls apart when nobody is taking the time to point out the stuff you're doing wrong. May need to talk to my D about helping me with that. I'm having a hard time progressing without feedback. Then again, I also want to rip their throats out if they talk to me after a goal so maybe I should just bring a video camera.

Anyway, I had some really nice saves on some nice shots, even though, like Sunday, my footwork felt really clumsy. I'm not sure what's going on there. My balance was bad. My skate kept getting stuck in holes on the ice. Augh. The post saved me several times when I couldn't get across. I was looking at my blades and I think the inside edge is worn down but the outside is still pretty sharp and I'm catching on it or something. I dunno. I should have left them to get sharpened.

I also did something to my wrist but I can't figure out what. I didn't fall on it or anything, but man does it ache.

Here's what's so fucking dumb and drives me up the wall. Every. Single. Shot. I drop into the fly to save got past me. EVERY SINGLE ONE. Now if that's not incentive to stay on my feet... Plus with my balance so crappy today, getting up was clumsier than usual. Luckily these kids shoot high a lot.

And I have to admit, I actually kind of enjoy this more than Sunday nights. It's like a one-night stand. No strings, no commitment, just sweaty fun that feels great and then you go your separate ways. Novice, OTOH, is like a real relationship where both sides are keeping score and your own team is sick of XYZ about you and you're sick of ABC about them. But at least there's some comraderie there. I'm the only chick at stick and puck, so it's just me in the room, which is kinda lonely.

But I got several "great save" comments and one of the guys said I "played good today" on the way back to the room, so that was a real boost, as compared to last time where they spent the whole game looking sideways at me.

Next week: I bust out the monster poke check on these deking mother fuckers. I'm sick of that shit.

Time to shower and get up to the TC for Game 5. Hopefully the hockey high will last well into the night with an Aeros win. Someone down there slap Pouly around to get him pissed off. He plays better that way.

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Stick and Puck: The Do Over

Ahhh, that was SOOOO much better than the first stick and puck. I still can't do shit about these fucking passes to my back door, but I'm moving around the crease a million times better than that first one I went to back in... when? January? A thousand years ago, it seems.

There's something up with this damn chest protector. I took another bicep shot and sonofabitch that hurt. Like there's no padding at all, or just a piece of cardboard or something, is what it feels like. I need to put my c/a on at home and just see where the various pieces are hitting me. Might be I need to adjust it a bit. It's all red and swollen and ouchy now. But the shot went to the corner, so it was totally worth it. ;)

Anyway, the guys were pretty nice but seemed a little weirded out by the random, sucky, chick goalie. You'd think they'd be delighted to have any goalie at all, or maybe they thought they needed to behave with a girl around? Ha! I'll have to start dropping some f-bombs.

For instance, one shot broke my water bottle lid (like an idiot, I put a lid on it that was a more brittle plastic) and I heard one of the guys say, "Well, if she's gonna play with the boys, she'll have to deal with it." Or something like that. *snort* Okay, man. Whatever. Like I'm gonna cry because my water bottle is broken? I might nut you for it, but that's just playing with the boys, right? ;)

Another thing I liked was that some of them were much more aggressive around the crease, which permitted me to take the occasional swing or shove at them. That's my favorite part and I never get to do it in novice.

Though I did catch one in the top of my pad and couldn't shake it out, so I made one of the cute ones reach in my pad and fetch it. He got razzed for it. I laughed. Mission accomplished. Dirty old cougar embarrassing the kid hockey player. Sweet.

Anyway, it was good. I got to see lots of shots in a situation where the only pressure on me is what I put on myself. I'll definitely plan to do that once a week in lieu of public skates. I get a lot more bang for the same buck (though it does take more time). And the nice ops guy unlocked the coach's locker room for me to use so I didn't have to mingle with the stinky boys. Didn't even ask him to. My own bathroom and everything! Sometimes it's good to be a girl.

Bonus: I did my good deed today and encouraged a mom who was there with her daughter. She hadn't skated before but said, "It looks fun and I've always wanted to do it." I said, "Get out there!" She was hesitant but I told her how scared I was the first couple of times out but that then it's really fun. Well, she got out there during the public skate and she had fun. Hope she sticks with it. Told her she's gonna be playing novice league with me before she knows it.

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Suck and Suck .... er, I mean, Stick and Puck

I thought I was past the point in my life where teenage boys had the ability to crush my soul, but I learned better yesterday when I went to an afternoon stick and puck with Scott TCG.


It was the stuff of goalie nightmares, frankly. The kind of "game" I expected to have my first time out, but didn't because novice league is kind, gentle, and wonderful like that. Whereas stick and puck is a soulless feeding frenzy.

Basically, the big people split from the little kids and each took one end of the ice to play half ice. Each team had to clear the zone for a possession change but they both shot on the same net, so I essentially played goal for both teams. Which just meant that I hated all of them, non-stop, in an alternating fashion.

There's very little joy to be found in a situation like this. I let in probably 30 goals and stopped maybe 4. MAYBE. There was a point where I didn't know and didn't care whether I made a save. My legs were limp, my feet were screaming, I was skating on my ankles, I was spent. When I got to that point, I was just ready to be done. When I was learning to skate, I always found there wasn't a whole lot to be gained from continuing to practice after your form falls apart and your legs are shot.

If someone had shown up with a gun and said, "Tend goal or die" about 45 minutes into this thing, I would have thanked them profusely and told them to hurry up and pull the fucking trigger. It was tough, and probably too much too soon for my strength and skill level, but I got out there and did it, and that counts for a lot.

That said, there were some bright points.

• Scott is a relentless but supportive "pusher" and didn't whack me with his stick like I'm sure he wanted to as I sat on the ice like a petulant brat refusing to get back in the net or do shuffles or whatever the hell he wanted me to do.
  
  The benefit to him is that after being reminded of the hell of being a newbie goalie, he must have felt like an old pro, and went on to earn himself his second ever shut out in the first game of the Oil Kings Holiday Shootout. Woo! Go Scotty!
  
  And seriously, man, thank you. Even in the heat of the moment when I was miserable, I was just damn grateful you were there. I would have told myself to go stuff it if I'd been in your skates. Now you know why I paid for your ice time. :)
  
• I left it all out there. It may not have looked like much of an effort, but I haven't been that spent in a really long time. I don't think I was that tired after walking for 7.5 hours in the Portland Marathon. But at least I didn't have any godforsaken blisters! I still don't miss that shit.
  
• Mentally, until The Dumb settled into my brain, I knew what I *should* be doing. It just really really didn't look like it because I just couldn't get my body to do it. In fact, some shots, I actually had time to think, "Oh, I should go down here" but the exhausted side of me said, "Oh hell no! You'll just have to get up again!" That exhausted side was talking LOUDLY to me, because once you've let in 20 goals for two teams you don't give a shit about, it's tough to find the giveadamn.
  
• I was playing too deep in my net, which Scott hammered at me enough that if nothing else stuck, hopefully that did.
  
• It was awfully nice to see Coach Stalin and her family waiting off-ice when we finished. After having wave after relentless wave of very unfriendly faces coming at me for so long, that was a wonderful relief to see a gaggle of friendly ones.
• I still want to play goal. I came home and Mr. C made some sympathetic noises at me and said, "Uh oh, you don't like playing goal?" Not the case at all. I knew it was going to be a tough road and there'd be days like this. Lots of them. But it's still better than playing out and it's still what I want to do. It's still just the most epic position in all of sports and totally worth this craziness.
  
• One needs days like this to remind oneself that one needs to not just sit on the couch and watch hockey between game days. Got that, One? (Got it.)

Meanwhile, now it's 4:30 a.m. and I'm sore and sleepy and couldn't get back to sleep after waking up at 2:30 or so. But I totally believe chocolate milk cures stuff like that, so that and the Aeros game from last night are next on the agenda.

OH! And one last note: Sugar Land Ice... You people seriously need to consider giving goalies a discount at stick and pucks. Even on a busy day with probably 40 people skating, there were only two goalies. It's not going to break the bank to offer that perk.

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