Goalie Porn and when a win keeps you up at night...

First of all, I want to point you guys to a new blog that started yesterday (but in the making for a LONG time) that is 100% pictures of goalies doing sexy things, like being incredibly bendy or doing that water bottle thing or smiling or making glove saves or whatever.

It's all goalie porn, all the time and it's been a long time coming. Check it out at http://GoingFive-Hole.blogspot.com. They also have a Twitter you can follow.

Fuck me, I'm pretty jazzed about that. Gonna need some fresh batteries...

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Women's league was kinda weird last night. The game was moved up an hour but the other goalie didn't get the message (I didn't either, actually, I just happened to see it on the League's Facebook page), so we played the first period with a shooter tutor in the other net and got up 5-1 early.

She was in net by the second period (thank god, or I was gonna have to play for their team for a period and I wasn't entirely comfortable with that).

Anyway, we won 9-4 (though I think of it as more like 4-3). I made a lot of stops and it seems like all but one goal against was on a breakaway or in an odd-man situation where the shooter basically had time and space to have their way with me.

The fourth was a case of the teams being in such similar jersey colors (Teal vs. Green) that in my peripheral vision, I thought the person by my net was on my team (green), so I didn't load for a big push when a teal player passed the puck across my crease and whaddaya know, she was teal. Fuck. Of course, in retrospect, I should have loaded to push across regardless.

Anyway, what was weird about this game was that my team was really happy with my play. My captain even gave me one of the two little "goodies" she gives to the players of the game, one defensive and one offensive.

And yet, I spent all night tossing and turning, literally dreaming of the goals against and trying to stop them in my sleep and jerking myself awake (not as fun as it sounds).

I think the color confusion goal bugs me quite a bit. And then their captain scored on me on clean breakaways twice in EXACTLY the same way. Fuck. This gal may be the reason I finally learn to throw a two pad stack because I'm determined to shut that shit down.

I feel like a damn fool when I let a goal in ON the ice on a relatively slow (but very dekey, patient) play... TWICE. I need to channel my inner Brusty and just go balls out on her now that she thinks she knows what I'll do.

Gah, I'm all tense just thinking about it again.

I just need to...

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The Internet is for (Goalie) Porn

This is a bittersweet post, as it is the end of the line for goalie porn this season. I don't have any more photographers willing to take, um, "action" shots for me in the remaining games.

But hey, these are winners so enjoy 'em. Wait, here's some music:



And here's Chicago Wolves goalie Drew MacIntyre in...

I Have Brutal Taste in Gear,
but I Work My Water Bottle Like a Stallion

I feel like I should shove dollar bills in the straps of his pads.

Thanks as always to Chris "Chicka Chicka" Jerina for these shots.

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Brain litter and more goalie porn!

Here's a post that demonstrates why Dan Ellis, Preds goalie and goofball, is my favorite NHL Tweeter. As usual, goalies represent and Mike McKenna is likewise the best AHL Tweeter. He was sewing up his dog's toys with dental floss the other day. Christ, that's adorable.

Don't be afraid of the Tweets, my friends. Twitter is fun. And anybody who harshes your mellow? You just unfollow their tweety little asses. Thank God for that. Of course, that goes both ways, doesn't it? :)

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Speaking of goalies, Backstrom is hurt, Harding sucks, Brusty is broken. So, could Khudobin go to Buffalo, Dubie start in Houston, and Scruffy get a call up? Oh my.

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And now for something completely different. This is a masterpiece of cheesiness that just seems worthy of .... something..Probably NSFW, but still relatively tame all things considered.





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John "Grammar" Grahame was back in action in Milwaukee Wednesday and Chris "No Homo" Jerina was a good sport and snapped a few more money shots for our enjoyment.

"Goalie hard work. Grammar thirstyyyyyy..."

"Mmmm... nom nom nom"

"Ahhhh. Okay, camera guy looking? Here we go."

"See how hot Grammar is, ladies?"

"You gettin' this, picture boy?"

"Just reinforcing how hotttttt Gramar is. Am I steaming?"

"Ahhhh, ready to get scored on some more"

Seriously though, Grammar, swallow some of that water next time.

Oh and if that wasn't enough, just to finish 'er off:

Ohhhh sweet Grammar Grahame. Thank you for amusing the goalie lusting faithful with your thirsty, hot, wet, flexible, camera-friendly self. I don't care how many goals you let in (but seriously dude, that was a lot), you're still a winner in my book.

And as always, many thanks to Chris "Aim to Please" Jerina for the photography.

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As promised.... goalie porn

Though it's not who I thought it would be.

John Grahame, recently signed by Lake Erie because both their goalies are out with injuries, apparently has the whole "goalie making love to the camera" thing down really really well. Color me surprised, and delighted that Chris "Enabler" Jerina caught these battery burners.

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

Wait for it....

Ahhh, money....

Other side...

Dear Baby Jesus,

Thank you for goalies.

Love,
Ms.C

P.S. And cameras. And accommodating photographers. 

All photos by Chris "Accommodating Photographer" Jerina

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Your Sunday Battery Burner....

Giggity.



Giggity.



*shudder*


*ahem*

Goalie Porn by Chris Jerina, to whom I owe undying gratitude for finally capturing Ben Bishop's pre-period stretch on camera for me.

Sweet mother of giant bendy goalie...

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Top 5 Hot Goalies: Getting it right

Puck Daddy featured this video in his headlines yesterday. Let's count the hot goalies:



Okay, I count... none.

Well, Luongo has those long legs, which is hot, but then he's got the mullet, which almost negates the legs.

Who's the Euro kid? Cute, but not hot.

Flower... I love him. LOVE HIM but he's not hot. Not even in his gear, which is where most goalies on the bubble can manage to fall over to the "hot" side.

Hiller? Duck. Next?

Cloutier, I kinda see it but I think we can do a LOT better.

So, I'm gonna give you my 5, in no particular order, because I'm a lover, not a fighter. I'm not about to make a video though, so I'll just give you a song to play and some pictures and you can pretend.




Marty Turco

"Hey baby" photo ripped from the Dallas Morning News

I definitely have a "type" when it comes to goalies. The more they take risks, play the puck, shove guys around, etc. the more I like them. Marty's at the head of the class as far as puck-moving goalies in my book. After the way he hosed several of my fantasy teams last season, I won't be putting him on my teams this fall, but he'll always be on another type of fantasy team.

Marty Brodeur

Photo ripped from National Post

Oh mama. Just one of the greatest goalies in the history of the sport, so proficient at moving the puck they had to put some extra lines on the ice to slow him down, looks great in red, and by all accounts one of the nicest dudes to play the position. Plus, the whole cheating on his wife with his sister-in-law thing... oh, that's naughty. Bad Marty. Bad.

Johan Hedberg

Oh Moose... photo by Getting Pucks Deep

My pal over at Getting Pucks Deep has me in a total froth about this hottie. In fact, she's got so many hot pictures of him, she sent me two and I couldn't choose. Here's the other (click to make big... and if you like that, check this out and guess which photo made me shout "OH MY GOD!"):

Photo by Getting Pucks Deep

Not only is he just straight up soap-opera-star handsome, his nickname is Moose, which is just fuckin' adorable. I wasn't sure how he played and to avoid a total collapse into puckbunnydom, I figured I'd better do some research. Well, this is all I needed to see. Look at him attacking the puck... now that's hot. Typical Wild though, eh? Ugh.

Henrik Lundqvist

Actually, his style of play doesn't thrill me all that much. But dayum. He's blistering hot. Commence collapse into puckbunnydom.

Barry Brust

Photo by Fred Trask

So, I debated this one because I'm trying to tone down the lusty adoration of guys I actually have to cover with some semblance of journalistic integrity. But what the hell... it's still summer and it would be completely disingenuous to leave him off; he's numero uno in my book and everybody knows it.

Brusty's big and foxy, he's got an unorthodox style and swagger and a temper, and when he's hot and healthy, I guarantee a sweaty-palmed, edge-of-your-seat good time watching him play.


Okay, that's my 5. There are some honorable mentions, like Ricky DiPietro, who is gorgeous but fragile as a little baby and a little too "frat boy" for my taste. Scott Clemmensen and Steve Valiquette are also lookers. And Marty Biron's got those eyes and adorable accent. And of course Rejean Beauchemin, who spent a couple of games in Houston and is a stone cold fox (look him up... you won't be disappointed). Rawr. But I had to pick 5.

Ladies... who ya got?

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