Peaks and Valleys

The Hockey Gods are a funny bunch.

Monday night, I spent half of goalie clinic fighting back tears of frustration about my game. After clinic, I couldn't even talk to Scott TFCG or I'd cry in front of everyone. I had to go right to the bathroom, which thankfully was empty, and sob for a few minutes.

I managed to gather myself long enough to put my gear together and get to the car, but once there, the waterworks started again and didn't stop until well after I was home 30 minutes later.

Needless to say, I was not enjoying the process. I was feeling like a huge disappointment who couldn't stop a beach ball. The feeling had been simmering for a few weeks and something snapped Monday night on the "broken arrow" drill (a tough one that I'm really bad at) and I was just broken.

Afterwards, as I'm crying to Mr. C, he said, "So doesn't this usually mean you'll be great in your next game?"

Oh, my clairvoyant husband....

Okay, maybe I wasn't great in the women's league championship last night. My team sure was and kept me from getting shelled. But I had some stops I'm proud of and that reinforced that I may not do a lot of things right or well as a goalie, but I can stop some pucks when I need to.

The game ended up 3-2. My two goals, one was a shot from the right circle that I bobbled right into my own net. You'd think it was a hot potato the way I just couldn't get it to settle in my glove. Mexican Jumping Puck. I swear I need StickUm in my glove. Nobody has ever had more pop outs than me.

The second was a completely unabated breakaway by their best player and I bit on her fake. Should have poke checked her, but I was indecisive about it and once you're indecisive, it's all over.

However!

There was another breakaway later in the 3rd when we were up by 1 and for me it was just about trying to hold the fort. I trusted my team enough that I knew I could take some risks and they'd be there to clean up the mess.

And I was right. I pulled a big time Brusty on this breakaway and shocked the hell out of the skater as the puck hit my pad and went flying into the end boards.

It rebounded out from the end boards back up above the goal line and I thought, "Aw fuck, that bit me in the ass." But while the skater was trying to get her bearings and gather the puck, I manged to dive back in the nick of time and get my stick in front of her shot into the empty net.

I literally could not believe I just made that series of saves. Without question my best desperation save ever. After that, it was a blur of skates and tangled gear and screaming at my team to "GIT IT!!!!" because I'd lost sight of it finally.

And git it they did. My last memory of that rush was my defenseman getting control and skating it toward the blue line. It was a vision of loveliness that I'll never forget. I so didn't want that puck in the net after all that work.

Then we got a penalty with just a minute or so left. But my girls busted their asses to keep the puck in the other team's zone so they couldn't pull the goalie for an extra man.

I refused to look behind me at the clock because I didn't want to feel like I could let up. But once my team started cheering, I knew it was just seconds away. What a sweet sound that buzzer was.

And what a sweet turnaround from an awful night Monday. I could even feel some of the work we've done in clinic coming to bear in my game.

So there ya go. I'll try to post a pic of me, a sheet or two to the wind, molesting our trophy. I think I was the only one who cared a whole lot about it, but it meant a lot to me.

It meant a lot to have a team that believed in me and liked me being in net for them. That goes an awful long way toward me being able to work up the competitive juices that don't come all that naturally to me.

I'm very sad the season is over. For my first "real team" experience, I think I was spoiled rotten by these gals. But I've made some friends here and really feel like I've gotten more to the heart of women's hockey. And it's a very good place. I'm lucky to feel so welcome and at home there.

Oh yeah, and the Aeros fucking won game 7, bitches!!!! Git 'er done for ONE MORE ROUND, and maybe Bingo comes to Texas for the Calder Cup! #myheadexplodes

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Losing Weight

Ahhhhhh, what a night!

Monday nights with goalie clinic AND drop-in are so hard. I mean, it's over 2 hours on the ice, with an hour in the middle to sit there in my sweaty clothes and get cold and tired. It suuuuucks.

Clinic tonight was great, though I swear, sometimes I feel like I'm just starting. One of the drills, I just couldn't do. A simple stick save drill and I just couldn't do it for shit. I can't even explain it.

But we did a lot of movement work, butterfly slides and backside pushes and whatnot. The young lady (12?) helping Jason and me told us it took her about a year and a half of work to get that down pat. And she's got crazy quick legs. Very good goalie, very smooth. I'm jealous, but I know she's worked really hard to get that good. She's a bad ass and really inspiring.

Jason and I both bailed a little bit early because of drop-in. And I still ended up being pretty gassed in the last 20 minutes or so of our game.

Didn't help that all but 1 of the really fast guys who plays this drop-in (even some who aren't usually there) were on the ice. It's definitely more fun that way but I honestly think my mind was fading worse than my body. In fact, I was pretty happy with my legs not being ALL that tired, especially after the work in clinic.

But my brain was toast. Like, I'd just zone out, and look up, and there's an opponent in front of me with the puck on his stick. SHIT!

Still, had some nice saves, and more importantly, I burned off the lake of vodka I drank this weekend in Austin. Never mind all that I ate. Jesus. H. Austin.

So, I survived my marathon evening at SLICE. I brought my lappy to get some stuff done in the break between ice times and check in on the Aeros game. I was dismayed to see them down 2-1, then 3-1, then 3-2, then 3-3 as I got back on the ice.

The other weight off my shoulders was finding out, when I got in the car, that they won 5-3.

That's a big confidence building game. They had to find a way to reset themselves within the game and boy did they. Would love to see them finish the Rivs off tomorrow and avoid that ugly 3 in 3. I would also love to see ALL us prognosticators be WRONG. Not a single person picked Aeros in 4.

Well, I picked Aeros in 3, but that was a joke. :) Though that would have me coming closest without going over, so if we're playing by Price is Right rules, I win.

No more hockey this week and I'm glad. I hurt absolutely everywhere. From my toes to my knees, to my elbow (looking up "tennis elbow" after I press send on this post) to my back and neck. Wuss.

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Either side of 4 a.m. pretty much sucks

Well fuck. I got home at 11:20 and decided against a Benedryl to help me fall asleep sooner because I didn't want the hangover.

Whaddaya know, here I am at 4 a.m. wide awake. Like THAT'S not gonna leave me with a hangover... Dumbass.

Might as well write, right?

Thought tonight was going to be pretty tough. Scott TFCG's goalie clinics are starting back up for the summer. The great thing is that it's on Mondays when I'm already playing drop-in, so I can knock out one evening at the rink and get coaching AND a game.

The bad thing is that there's over an hour between the end of clinic and our drop-in and sitting around sweaty and cold and getting sleepy isn't much fun.

Never mind that I'm pretty tired for the game. I was lousy tonight. I'm actually feeling like I'm getting worse in goal, but I hope that feeling is actually my realizing the things I'm doing wrong rather than just being oblivious to them. But I dunno. I just haven't felt right lately.

I think clinic must throw off my timing a bit, too. Maybe it was just being tired and a little unfocused. Maybe overthinking? Lots of pucks went right under me tonight at drop-in and that's unusual for me.

Anyway, clinic was good. At least the part I actually made it to. A wreck on 59 had us crawling at about 2 mph up to Beechnut, so I missed warm-ups and 3 stations. Though honestly, "I wouldn't say I'm missing it, Bob." I dread warm-up drills, which is maybe kinda weird. Let's just skate around a bit, do a couple of up and downs, and get to work. That's pretty much what I did tonight since I had to jump in mid-stream.

Banged up my knee pretty good though, somehow, during clinic. Not really sure but there's a big knot on my knee and it hurts pretty good to butterfly on it. My pad rotation issue is worse than ever, too. Between banging my knee up and looking like a fool with my pad under my leg, I'm getting pretty frustrated with that, but don't have a clue how to fix it other than being in a VERY low stance before I fly.

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Why is it all the cool shit happens when I have Real Job meetings? Aeros are having their playoff media day right smack in the middle of a meeting that I've already missed 2 weeks in a row. Moreover, it's a media-skate-with-the-coaches thingy, which should be hilariously awesome since nobody here knows how to skate. :) And frankly, I'm pretty damn wobbly in just my goalie skates without pads, and too chicken to wear my player skates that have been collecting dust for 2 years.

Still, I'd totally do it and I may still, because I'd like to talk to Sydor a bit. Plus I want to see the local media enjoy a little ice time if they are brave enough and realize what good TV it is to see people busting their ass on the ice while trying to conduct interviews.

Honestly, if I were a TV sports person, I'd throw the goalie gear on and give it a go. Nothing makes you appreciate what "real" goalies do until you try it yourself. And again, great TV.

It's funny because people think the hard part of goaltending is getting hit with the puck, but that's far and away the easiest part. The hard part is, well, everything else.

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Recruiting/party at Women's League tonight. I'm dragging a couple of gals out to get a feel for it and hopefully get them on the ice with us before too long. Food and fun and drink specials up in the bar. May have to score a jello shot before the game so these lushes don't slurp 'em all down before our game is over. I'll probably play better, to be honest.

If anybody out there is reading and interested in playing women's league, come on out to Space City Ice. Shenanigans start at 7, game starts at 8:20. It's my team versus Team Orange, so no Captain Danglemitts, but still should be good competition. Bar closes at 1. :)

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After all it was a great big world

I'm a smidge looped on vicodin, so I figure that's as good a time as any to blog it up, right?

Clinic was good tonight, even though I had to dial it waaaaay back because of my knee. It was one of those deals where I could have gone a lot harder, but seeing as I have a game tomorrow and am trying not to make my knee worse, I just tried to get as much out of it as I could without being a dumbass. Of course, I still did a bit, plus have a twinge in my back. So, to the bottle of vicodin I went. Feels like cheating, but I don't care.

Anyway, two of our drills tonight were geared toward "desperation" saves and getting comfortable with those. One of them, the Hasek rollover drill was pretty fun and even though I was kind of retarded at it, I was okay with being retarded at it because it's not the most elegant move anyway.

The other, though, I didn't capitalize on and was really the one I needed the most work at. But we only cycled through that station one time and I was at the end of my turn before I realized, damn, this is the drill where I was supposed to be flopping and all I was doing was what I always do: Drop into fly, kick rebound out, sit there like a statue. Ugh. Hopefully we'll do that again and I'll clue in a little better, because it was exactly the kind of drill I wanted to do to work on scrambling, but I was just unfocused and didn't get it done.

Practice time is so limited, I'm really annoyed with myself for dropping the ball there.

Ah well. I feel better anyway, about goalieing in general. Got my new chest protector working better with my mask. Chesty seems to be breaking in a little bit, too, so that's helpful. The only thing really still difficult about it is putting my sweater on over it. It gets hung up on the much-better-padded arms, but just a tug from a teammate and I'm on my way. That's what she said.

So, I'm looking forward to my game tomorrow. Or the vicodin is making me think I am. Hopefully my knee will feel good enough that I won't be so tentative out there. Hopefully I shook some of that injury rust off tonight at clinic.

I've got this song in my head tonight. Is it underrated or is it, again, the narcotics thinking for me? I'm not so looped to be unaware that that's a godawful picture of Tom Petty. Sorry.

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Stick a fork in me

Amazingly, my legs aren't brutally tired, which gives me loads of hope for surviving next week without assistance from a wheelchair. But after lots of playing the last three days, my MIND is tired and I'm ready for a break.

It never ceases to amaze me how much mental focus goaltending takes. There's the whole "zone out/don't think" element of it, but you still have to be incredibly focused.

Clinic was good again, though I was pretty tired the last 15 minutes. And I still love the screen drill more than just about anything ever. I dunno what it is about that one. Oh, yes, I do. Not much movement but I have to be really alert.

Anyway, then I played the drop-in. Wasn't all that tired but my skates were loose and that was bugging me a bunch. How can they be loose yet still hurt like such a mofo? I don't get it. They were comfortable (well, somewhat) for the longest time and now they're killing me like they're new skates or something! Really annoying, especially when I'm staring down the barrel at 15 hours of hockey in 4 days.

I kinda stunk in the second half, especially the last 10 minutes or so. The teams were way out of balance and they were just coming and coming and I was over the whole thing and wanted to leave. Terrible attitude but in the moment, I just wasn't there. Normally I stay out for as long as they want to take shots on me, but tonight? Nope. 10:20, I said see ya later.

Of course, the other goalie did clinic, too, and he was really good. I mean, REALLY good. Good butterfly technique but still battles for the puck. He uses lots of paddle down though. I see that used so much and with so much effectiveness at this level, but then I hear it's the devil from goalie coaches. Annoys me to get continuously beat by a technique that I'm told I shouldn't use. Maybe because he's a really big goalie, he can get away with it?

One stop I was particularly proud of though, was a wrap-around attempt that just reading the situation, my goalie sense tingled and I knew to just shove over and seal the post. The shooter couldn't fucking believe I got over there. Haha. Believe it!

Anyway, I'm wasted. And I have PT tomorrow. At least it's not until 11. Only one more game until I wing to Minny! This week is hard core washing of all my gear. It's going to be DISGUSTING after Minny, so I want to start from as clean a place as possible.

I luuuuurve this song. Stick tap to @awoodmacdonald for the recommendation.

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Ignoring that the 8 y.o. girl keeps beating me blocker side...

One thing I've noticed about kids that freaks me out about them, but also endears me to them, is that they hug people kind of randomly. I've had little kids I barely know (and if they only knew how much I don't like little kids, they'd run the other way) just come up and wrap their skinny little arms around me. It's weird, but it does make my ovaries stand at attention.

Of course, at the first whine or sticky fingers or interrupted adult conversation, the old gal's ovaries go back to their "I Love My IUD" ways.

But tonight after goalie clinic, I felt like one of those little kids, and I just wanted to skate over to Scotty TFCG and give him one of those hugs. Just random and unabashed. Because goalie clinic tonight was that great and fun and helpful. And he works really hard to make it that way and since I'm the goalie-age equivalent of an 8 year old, having an 8 year old reaction seems appropriate.

Being 35, however, I'll just come home and write about it and he'll read it and consider himself hugged. Got that, Scotty?

It was great though, partly because I didn't have PT today to wear my ass out. Seriously, I leave that PT clinic sweating like I've just played a game. That woman works my can off, and I'm seeing the results creep in a little more all the time. It's magical. But to do that AND goalie clinic on Mondays is tough. Last week I was really fatigued, but tonight my legs were strong and steady and did what I wanted them to do, which is a really nice feeling.

I even forgot my knee brace at home and other than my first "get-up" off the ice, there was very little pain. And even when I got home, after sitting in the car for 30 minutes, it wasn't too stiff.

But also, I think the balance of work was good. The warm-up got me moving but didn't wear me out so I had plenty in the tank to devote to working on the drills. And the drills were all beneficial, even fun. The tip-in drill wasn't fun because I sucked at it, but since there was actual carpentry involved, I'm betting we see that one lots more. I hope so because, like I said, I sucked at it. My goalie brain just can't seem to believe the puck is going to change trajectory even though it's quite clear that it's going to. It's a weird little mindfuck.

Then we did a drill with a big tarp hanging off a pipe structure at the hash marks screening us and shooters were shooting either under it or coming around it. I found the most value in the shots coming under it because slow reaction times eat my lunch, and this forced me to not react until I had it in sight, at which point I had to react instantly. Also forced me to keep my stick on the ice.

To tell you how good clinic was, the first time I looked up at the clock, it was 8:55 (we finish at 9)! Normally there's 15 or 20 mins left about the time I start watching the clock and feeling like grim death.

And if a great clinic wasn't good enough, one of the girls I play against on Mondays told me they're having trouble getting goalies for the women's league at another rink and that they'd appreciate the help if I'm interested. Um, heck yeah! Never played with all chicks before, so that should be fun. I've heard it can be catty, but honestly, for free ice time, I'm happy to play the aloof goalie card.

But that was it for my week of hockey until Saturday, and then it's full bore for 2 weeks until the Monday after camp (which I'm super excited about, if only for the "not sitting at my work laptop for a week" factor). I'm way overdue for a week off of work, even if I do have to go alone and have pucks shot at me to get it. Hopefully we'll get our playing schedule this week so I can make plans with my Mini Soda peeps.

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I'm feeling philosophical now that I have the timely stuff off my chest. This goaltending journey... sometimes I wonder where it's taking me, because I really do feel like it's taking me somewhere. I've had too many forces pushing me along, helping me out, encouraging me, giving me what I need when I need it.

I really believe the universe takes us where we need to go if we'll just shut up and let it. But where is this going? Maybe I'm being silly and it's just a nice way to burn some calories and feel young and mischievous still, but for a completely nonathletic person who only played one day of softball in 6th grade because she hated the balls flying at her... for someone who hates to sweat, has a low pain tolerance, and thinks too much... well, it just seems incredibly weird that being a hockey goalie is what my life is about now.

Nothing changes from this musing... I'll continue to just take the opportunities laid in front of me and listen to the stirrings of my heart and mind, but sometimes I wonder what's really going on here. Will I look back in a few years and understand? I certainly look back on my marathon training like that. The lessons learned and perseverance gained in that year certainly gave me the courage to try hockey.

But this is much MUCH harder than I ever anticipated. And much more rewarding.
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What am I doing if I don't follow this up with some potty mouth gangsta rap? I just love the title. I'm so white.

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Cabbage Patch

I was in such a good mood after goalie clinic last night that I didn't even feel the need to write. It was a good night and Scotty's really become a heck of a goalie coach.

Even better is the group is about half little kids and half adults, so the little kids kinda do the whining for me. As long as somebody's saying it, I don't have to. :) It's cool though, because they're also game for pretty much anything you tell them to do.

Scott sent out an email with our agenda for the clinic and pretty much everything on it was stuff that gives me anxiety (because I'm bad at it), but everybody's so busy doing their own thing, it doesn't matter if you're bad at it.

One of our fun drills was King of the Dot, where one goalie is on the face off dot and the other goalie tries to push them off the dot. I was Queen of the Dot in the first round and nobody got a blocker to the face or their nuts cracked, so I consider that a success. Jason beat me in the "finals" but I held my own for a while. I really like shoving people. Like, a lot.

I even kinda like being shoved, though that's probably something to do with not getting laid in a while. I don't understand why people get so pissed at me when I do it to them when they're screening me. It's a compliment. You're doing your job and pissing me off. You should revel in that!

Anyway, crap I'm sore. In a good, productive way, so I'm pretty happy about that.

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