Quick Hits: Happiness; Soupy; Headcase; House; John Lynch

I have this theory that people who need lots of pithy, inspirational quotes in their lives are, deep down, the most miserable.

Of course, they generally seem like balanced, happy people, so I think my theory is probably bullshit, but it makes me feel better for rolling my eyes at their pearls of wisdom.

I'm not remotely a miserable person, even though I think some people think I am if they don't know me well. Mostly I just like to kvetch and be dramatic. It's just how I roll. But I'm generally pretty happy. And I do it WITHOUT quotes from Oprah on my wall...

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Swear to God I saw Brian Campbell with some other really attractive hockey guy at Home Depot this morning. In Houston. Yeah. But I swear it was him. Nearly chased him down to somehow get in front of him and look at his knees.

Hockey players: You can tell them by their Bauer bumps and their freakish knees.

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I feel kinda bad when well-adjusted goalies try to help me with my game. I'm used to being sort of a mess and don't really mind most of the time, but they don't understand that and always get to the point of, like, "Well, good luck with that."

Maybe I should start those conversations with, "Just a heads up, you won't be able to help me." Just trust me. Others have traveled that path. People with patience and kindness and lots of knowledge. And they've finally had to be all, "Um, I need to go... wash my hair/dog/car," when it was clear my neuroses are firmly attached.

It's funny, when I first started playing, I'd suck and I'd beat myself up and people were like, "Gahhh, stop taking it so seriously!"

Well, I finally learned to not take it so seriously and now it's like, "If you're not taking it seriously, how can you get better?"

Well shit.

But I have more fun not taking it seriously, so I'll stick with that route.

I've only met one other goalie who really seemed to understand where I'm coming from as a new goalie. She's a new goalie, too, in California. Neither of us have athletic backgrounds. Both of us approach the game intellectually first. It's like this:

Step 1: Wrap brain around concept. Tell me why you want me to do something a certain way. Tell me why we're going to work on it a certain way. OVERexplain. Pretend I'm learning disabled. Because I kinda am here.

Step 2: If I'm continuously doing it wrong, stop everything and figure out WHY I'm doing it wrong. It's not because I'm not trying. It's because I don't understand what's keeping me from doing it right. There is rarely time for Step 2, BTW.

For instance, one of the drills Thursday was working on the dreaded, hated VHS. I can do the VHS marginally on my glove side. But I go over and try to do it on my left and I can't do anything but full butterfly.

So I do it the first time and Brusty's like, "Keep your post leg up." I'm all, "Uh, I did, didn't it?" "Nope." "Oh..."

Okay, so we try again. Son of a... he's right. I can't keep that right leg straight up against the post. It leans in  and that sends the other leg sliding and then it all just craters into a full butterfly. (I should note right here that I did actually STOP all the practice shots even though I couldn't do the VHS, soooo....  anyway....)

I tried to diagnose it a bit myself, by bowing out of the awful looking center ice skating drill (the WORST part of camp since I'm a terrible skater) and grabbing an empty net to work on that. Mostly I think all I did was fuck up my hip. Big ol' middle finger to the VHS.

Glad I couldn't read Brusty's mind during that. Haha. "Oh my god, she's a mess." At least that's what I was thinking. That and, "Dear Self, I was only kidding about being awful at Brusty's drill so he'd have to work with me more!"

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Okay. Back to cleaning out the house. I'm so excited about moving into our tiny flood plain house. We already bought numbers for the front of it because it doesn't have any right now. Can't wait to only be on ONE FLOOR!

And like the dork that I am, I'm probably most excited about our oversized garage. Mr.C is in charge of "wealth management" and I'm in charge of "tools and fixin' stuff." I definitely have the better end of that deal, until I can't fix something and it costs us $200 to get the plumber or handyman or whoever out.

Then I have to present the issue to Mr.C and tell him how it's going to cost twice as much as he thinks it should. That end of my deal isn't so great. He's not "cheap" per se, but he hates to spend money unnecessarily. But sometimes you just have to hire a pro and do it right. 

Regardless, I have a place to hang all my tools. We're even getting me a proper toolbox! *grunt!*

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I was cleaning out my desk stuff today and found my autographed photo of John Lynch, my first sports boyfriend. I still think that guy is the cat's meow. Wish I could find an online version of the pic I have. It's ubersexy. This will have to do:

#PantySoup

I'd probably still have some semblance of football fannage left in me if he still played. Any wonder my favorite position, after kickers (poor little weirdos), is safety. :) #mmmmlastlineofdefense

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Knee Update, cuz I know the wondering is keeping you up nights

So, Prednisone is subtly interesting stuff. Damn shame it's bad for you long term because I feel great. Nothing like a little bit of roids in the system to get things clicking.

Guess I should do some catch up: I finally broke down and went to an orthopedic doc on Friday. The Aeros doc, to be exact, because frankly, I doubt many doctors in Houston really understand the rigors that goaltending in particular puts on joints. So I figure, why not go to the guy who treats them during the season?

It was a good visit and fun to get to "talk shop" and know that he maybe gets it.

Anyway, the x-rays didn't show anything, other than my bones look fine and my knee cap is a little goofy, but he said that had been that way a long time. Of course, my response to that is, "Well, this knee has been annoying for a long time." Just not THIS annoying.

He said either it's the MCL and if it is, it will be good in 2 weeks, or it's probably the meniscus and they'll need to do an MRI if it's not better in 2 weeks. Urgh.

The good news is that it's only been three days and the knee is feeling noticeably better. I don't think I tweaked it but one time today, and that was getting up from sitting on the floor. I'd been tweaking it 6 or 7 times a day and almost that many times during the night.

And it's not as stiff and painful after sitting for a long period, so I'm limping a lot less.

I'm going to add glucosamine to my routine to help my joints out however I can, and I'm trying to add a few little things back into my day, like some light squats and maybe some easy biking, just to keep those joints and muscles going.

I also read another "retraining" type of move where you balance on one leg for 30 secs, then bend the knee a 30 degrees and balance another 30 secs, then another 30 degress for another 30 secs. Work up to doing it with your hands on your hips and then with your eyes closed. Simple but kinda tough. Felt good to remind myself that my muscles do still work.

Got me some gnarly bruises from my deep tissue work with Cheryl Thursday, too. Look like I rode the Kentucky Derby on a golf ball saddle. Not cute. Felt like it, too, but there were plenty of trigger spots and other angry bits in my groin muscles, so she had a lot of work to do.

I, of course, had to bow out of playing Novice tonight and drop-in tomorrow. I completely wrecked my skate blades last time I played (always the mark of a hard fought game, right?) so I'm not letting myself get them sharpened until I can get up off the floor without my knee hurting. At that point, I feel like maybe I can skate a little and see how it feels.

I've been on a rollercoaster about the whole thing. It sucks not to play for a lot of reasons. Really feeds lots of insecurities. But on the bright side, I've managed to finally get caught up somewhat with work without starting my week off in zombie-land. You know, except for tonight where I'm up until 4 a.m. working and screwing around. Shooooot.

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Wild Horses Couldn't Drag Me Away

Up late working, as is my life now. I actually took the evening off but felt so "unaccomplished" when I went to bed that I had to get up and put a few more hours in to feel like I'd actually gotten enough done today.

I've about decided that my perfect schedule is to get up early and work until about 2. Take a nap while it's too hot to think. Take care of stuff around the house, have dinner, watch playoff hockey (that goes on all summer, right? Right?!) and then around 10 put another 3-4 hours in. I would be super productive if I could do that.

As it is, I get up early, work until 1, sit on conference calls all afternoon while trying NOT to fall asleep (I sometimes don't succeed... thank god for mute button), then wander around in a stupor for a few hours wanting to go to bed, and then when it IS time to go to bed, I get my second wind and want to work again.

I like the late night because all my internet distractions are at a minimum. The biggest distraction is the occasional Facebook post from my west coast friends and @TeleEroticist tweeting her adventures as a phone sex operator (frankly, it's a must-follow if you're cool with some pervy shit). Anyway, I get a lot done without TweetDeck pinging at me and checking email and whatnot.

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This is my new Facebook profile photo. It makes me deliriously happy. I love Marty. I love cheeseburgers. I wanna have a monster liquor and cheeseburger party with Marty. We'd totally laugh just like this a whole bunch. *sigh*

Thanks for passing that along to me, Chris Jerina!

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Went to Dr.Dan today to get poked and cracked. He identified my psoas muscle as the culprit of my janky pelvic bone. I was amazed when I got home and read more about this muscle. It's basically, in cow terms, the tenderloin and controls a lot of really important movement in the lower back and hips. So when it's messed up, it can cause a huge chain of problems, including knee pain, lower pack pain, hip pain, legs different lengths, etc etc.

We decided that 3 months is about how long I can go from adjustment to adjustment. Month 4 is when I get injured.

He cracked all kinds of other stuff, too, especially my neck, making lots of happy mutterings at the "movement" he was feeling along the way. I dunno. I still don't really buy chiropractic and yet I can't really argue with the results I get. I'm always afraid the more I get adjusted, the more I'll need adjusting. But I know if I went to a traditional doc, I'd probably just get some pain killers and a "keep an eye on it" instruction. Bleh. Wrong answer.

Anyway, it sucked not playing Sunday or Monday. I switched to not play this upcoming Monday, but I'll probably try to play Sunday at Novice. Still quite a bit of stiffness in my knee but I'm hoping by then, it will be good enough to muddle through. Worst case, I'll be forced to practice pad stacks.
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Okay, so I couldn't stay away from the blog. I guess I just have stuff to say regardless of how busy I am. Whether it's interesting or not is another story.

Off to try and sleep again.

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Absenteeism explained and a very fond farewell

So, the blog's going to be quiet for a while. After Monday's awesomewinfunness, the little bit of "ooo, that's a bit uncomfortable" in my knee went to "er, holy crap, what the crap is wrong with my knee???" It's really stiff and angry.

Which means there's no way I'm playing next week. I need to this to get better. Gonna see if I can get in with the chiro today or early next week. I think something is a bit off in that regard that's making it worse.

Also, work is eating me alive. Got a massive MASSIVE project due in early August and I'm afraid it's going to take a majority of my time until then. It particularly sucks because I was really excited about my hockey projects this summer, like the adult goalie blog (which sounds potentially pornographic, but sadly isn't). But I'll get around to it eventually, if only because the banner I made for it is so freaking awesome. (Click to embiggen. Thanks to Chris Jerina for use of the photo.)

For those I've promised sweat bands.... they're made. I just need to mail them out. I'll do that early next week.

For those waiting on emails from me, I promise I'll get back to you eventually.

I'm considering rewarding myself at the end of this project in 2011 with a hockey road trip. Don't know what that will entail just yet, but if I can get Mr.C on board with the idea, it will be fuckin' awesome. But that's a long way off and really just a daydream to keep me motivated through what is going to be a really tough year of work. Now that Brusty's gone, I gotta have something to daydream about, right? :)

Speaking of which...

~cue music~

I've thought all along that I would do some weepy, poetic, fantastic, heartfelt post to send Brusty off after this season, but now that the time is upon me, I feel like all the words I try to put to it are too trite.

It suffices to say that his presence in Houston has been profound for me. Sometimes in life, we need something and don't even know we need it until we cross paths with the person who can give it to us. And then it's like this amazing, random gift from the universe.

And that's what Brusty was for me. People fall in love with hockey a lot of ways, and I really fell hard when my passion for goaltending took off. And it was watching him that made that happen, and made me want to be a goalie myself. That passion for goaltending and the rest of the game has driven nearly everything I've done in the last 3 years. And holy crap, what a ride it's been.

I hope I gave a little something back in my way over the course of things.

So, there's that. Hopefully not too trite. I dunno.

Back to work. Ugh. See you crazy kids on the flip side.

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Quick Hits: Links, Sore, Tuesday, Birthday

Urgh. So much negativity last night, I need to bury it with goodness and light.

So here's some stufft:

If you enjoy reading post-game goalie analysis like mine (aka the Post Game Unburdening), please to check out my girl Maalivahti's blog, From the Couch to the Crease. It's all about the many highs and lows of goaltending and is great stuff.

My favorite Flames fan, WalkInvisible, threw some love my way on her blog yesterday and it made my day. Check it out. I hate ALL OVER her goalie and she still likes me. That's the mark of a BAMF in my book.I'm not that cool. If you dumped on, say, Brusty? We're done talking. Buh-bye.

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My whole torso is sore. What is that about? Feeling very much in need of chiropractic. My hip and lower back feel janky, I'm sore in weird places, especially considering how absolutely NOTHING I did last night at drop-in. MFers. Anyway, all that usually means I've got something out of whack. I've had a few clumsy butterflies lately that have gone a bit Bambi on me. That always makes things feel out of whack. Maybe yoga will fix it.

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I'm such a liar. I've already committed to going back to drop-in next week. Someone owes me money and it's just $5 and normally I'd say forget about it, but what the fuck. That's half a skate sharpening, so whatever. Plus, I already know I'll be flying solo, so I might as well go play some puck while I won't bug anybody by rolling in at midnight.

Looking on the bright side, at least I learned of the glory of pineapple on pizza thanks to Tuesday drop-in. Seriously? My biggest regret in life so far is going nearly 35 years without trying that. I honestly just thought Hawaiians and hippies put pineapple on pizza.

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Speaking of 35, my birthday is Sunday. I feel way too fucking stupid to be 35.

But I think that's the goaltending slump talking. Amazing how that colors everything. What's the opposite of rose colored glasses? Crap colored? I dunno. Maybe the hockey gods will bring me a good game Sunday. That would be the best gift of all.

Good news is that the Aeros are out of it so they can't lose on my birthday like they have the last 2 years. Win!

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The one where I blog to avoid housework

Boy, you can really tell when Mr.C is out of town for a long time. I get severe diarrhea of the blog.

Stuff on my mind, because you need to know:

My throat is still sore. I otherwise feel pretty good and the coughing fits are getting less severe and frequent, but the throat nags. Kinda wonder if the antibiotics didn't quite lick the strep. I took my last pill this morning, so we'll see how it goes from here.

I understand that having tonsils removed as an adult is quite painful, but dang if I'm not about ready for that.

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Mark Dekanich was awarded Goalie of the Week for the ECHL... during his "get your act together" assignment to Cincinnati in which he allowed only 1 goal in 2 games. And then was promptly sent home, possibly with a "CURED" stamp on his forehead.

I have to look at that through my fingers. It's too awkward to stare right at. Yeesh.

Reminds me of when we flipped our car up north of High Level, Alberta and totaled the rental car. Blessedly, our insurance covered the whole monstrous bill, so we didn't really mind when they sent us a "cleaning fee" bill for $50, even though clearly there was nothing to clean.

And then one day we get a letter of apology saying they billed us the cleaning fee in error and to disregard it.

Not sure why it reminds me of that. Something to do with being in a crappy situation, then being rescued from it, and then having some absurd twist at the end.

I wore my Edmonton Eskimos sweatshirt that I got on that trip to hockey last night. It's huge on me because I had to be able to fit it over my arm in a sling after the wreck, but I love it. It's like a Canadian Detector. They never fail to comment. Way too warm for it though. Snow one day, sweaty the next. Houston winter.

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Last night of my 3 in 3 tonight. I really need to make a drinking buddy in that crowd because by the end of that grind, I want a little mind eraser. Kinda hard being the only girl though... Not interested in mixing ANY signals with this bunch.

I've come to realize that my Tuesday is like Friday for most people. Right now, I feel this sense of "relief is on the way." I love playing goal but it is draining 3 days in a row, especially as tightly wound as I get about it, and especially as hard as Tuesdays can be.

So to have my "tour of duty" behind me for the week.... to not have to do a load of stinky hockey laundry every day... to eat a real dinner instead of a late lunch, praying it will last until midnight... to not have to fight the sleepies all day long after being up until 2 or 3 letting the adrenaline wear off... to get to wallow in my Center Ice subscription from start to finish in the evening. Ahhhh. It's heaven.

But of course, I wouldn't appreciate it nearly as much if I could do that every night, so the contrast is good and welcome.

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Finally, I tweeted this earlier today, but I adore Katebits. She's got the kind of fan heart that I had before I had to "temper" it in order to write about the team with some objectivity. (Swear to god, this IS the tempered version.) You don't even have to be a Sabres fan to appreciate the place she's coming from. We've all been there.

One day your team can get you pregnant just by casting a glance in your general direction and the next day you want to kick 'em all in the jewels with pointy boots. Ahhh, the roller coaster of fanhood. Only she's way funnier about it.

Also, you might need to know that "Crunchy" is Ryan Miller. I've never found an adequate explanation as to why that is, but ultimately it's worked for me to just embrace it anyway.

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Okay, I'm out of material. Cannot put off tidying up the house any longer. Then again, I wouldn't mind a nap. :D

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Bound but determined

So, I guess I'm a little blocked up, writer-wise, at the moment. Couldn't even blog my game last night and I don't think that's ever happened.

I think part of that is just feeling like a broken record lately. Played well... EXCEPT FOR... those 6 goals, 3 of which were completely retarded. Sound familiar? I'm tired of myself. I still love playing, but I'm tired of the constant self-flagellation after the fact. Or the Pollyanna, stiff-upper-lip, "oh, just have fun" routine when I'm not beating myself up. Or the whining about my feelings. Fucking goddamn feelings.

So, until something interesting happens, maybe I'm done blogging my games. I reserve the right to change my mind. I did actually write a whole big post last night. Then deleted it and wrote a shorter one basically saying, "Meh," and then thought, "Why even bother?" And went to bed.

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I'm PMSing. Totally.

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Back to feelings... my heart is heavy for my teams and my precious goalies who are playing for foster teams.

The Aeros certainly have the offensive talent to score more than they are, but just can't convert on the many plum chances they get. I'm afraid they're not far from sinking into the quicksand if they don't start getting rewarded for the hard work they're putting in defensively and in goal. How long can you sustain such a hard effort without a little payoff every now and then?

Khudobin has been fantastic, and apparently even Dubielewicz was excellent in his relief of Anton on Friday night.

But that continues to leave Brusty stuck in Florida, which makes me immeasurably sad. Would that I could knock Dubie out, take him to Florida, leave him on the doorstep of the Germain Arena and bring Brusty back with me--assuming such behavior wasn't both insane and criminal--that would be perfection. Alas, I'm neither (that) insane nor (that) criminal.

And my other goalie, Brett Jaeger with the Texas Brahmas, is having a craptastic season as well. The rookie goalie who was assigned to the team by the Blackhawks organization is showing him up big time and he's just stru-ggl-ing. What do you say in that situation? Or to any beloved goalie who's having a rough go? Everything seems so trite.

I've got your back. I believe in you. Come on, hockey gods. Throw my boys a bone.

So, these things are weighing on me, making me a little melancholy. And worse, Mr.C is in a mood to clean closets, which is one of my most least favorite things to do ever. Closets have doors for a reason. Just close them and have fun with your life. We'll clean 'em out next time we move. AmIright?

Which means I'm being grumpy at him, too, which makes me feel bad after the fact. But doesn't seem to change the fact that I want to put my thumb in his eye in the heat of the moment. I'm sure the feeling is mutual.

Notice I'm not even mentioning the Wild. I can't even contemplate what a sad state that bunch is in. Makes everything else look like sunshine and kitten toes.

Alright. Enough of this drama queen bullshit. Sorry. It happens from time to time. Still love me?

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Quick Hits: Live Blog, goaltending, whining, etc.

Just a heads up, one of the sites I write for, Wild Nation, is doing a live blog during the game tonight. Russo says Gaby is waaaay questionable for playing, but we'll be there mocking him one way or the other.

Suck on that, ya glass-groined hack! (Kidding, I really don't have an issue with Gaby, especially since he's been good to my fantasy team thus far.)

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This got posted on one of the blogs I read today. Sorry for not crediting them but I don't remember and I'm too lazy to go back and look. Anyway, I do so enjoy watching skaters fuck up their attempts to outsmart goalies, so this video of the top 10 worst shootout attempts made me feel warm and evil inside.



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One of my tasks for the day is to write my PHN article, which I've been putting off hoping that the Aeros would give me a sign as to their personality. And they did, but it's more of a gut feeling I have rather than something I can point to. So, now the strug-gle is to find a way to quantify that feeling objectively. Hmm.

Bottom line is my gut feeling is this team will be okay.

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Can I take a sec to whine about things that hurt on my body?

• The gnarly bruise on my leg is ... gnarly. Huge and unpretty, but still rad. Just wish that shot hadn't gone in.
• Both knees have been hurting on the outside (like ACL or IT Band) the last two days. Gonna do some stretching and see if that helps.
• I whacked myself in the head getting my leg pads out of the car Sunday and that left a cut on my eyebrow.
• I'm coughing stuff up from that cold and still kinda tired from it.
• My tweaked ankle is still tweaked and makes me nervous shuffling to the left (which I've never been very good at anyway). Murgh.
• My left shoulder has been hurting for 3 weeks now. No clue what I did to it. Definitely some kind of rotator cuff thing.
  

BUT I got invited to play again on Monday at SLICE, so another 3 in 3 for me, baby. LOVE! IT! Though at some point I'm going to have to get another set of underclothes. I have 2 pair of yoga pants. Will just have to put knee pads in the second pair and maybe hit up Target for another long-sleeve wicking top.

For 10 months, I've never worn any shirt but my Portland Marathon finisher's shirt under my goalie gear. It's held up great but it probably does need a friend to take the load off and I'm not as desperate for the "proof that you can do anything you put your mind to" boost it gave me when I first started.

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You know what's awesome? I thought we were dangerously low on toilet paper in the house and I was gonna have to make a dreaded Costco run, but I found a stash of 12 rolls in the downstairs bathroom! Woohoo!

Seriously, it's the simple things.

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Aeros play tonight in addition to the Wild. This will be 3 games in 4 nights for Dubielewicz. He's not exactly a brick wall on a good day, so perhaps there's a change of scene in goal, either to start or during the game if it gets away from Dubie? We shall see. I'm excited.

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Breezy Saturday

I'm sitting on the deck this afternoon, enjoying being just a little bit sticky, but also a cool breeze that's making it almost pleasant to be outside.

All while reminding myself in my best pessimistic inner voice that this doesn't mean Fall is coming. It just means Canada is blowing some mercy southward for a day or two. Thank you for so many things, Canada, but especially thank you for the occasional bearable summer day in Houston.

Here's the run down so far:

Got hooked on watching Dexter online from Netflix. Good shit but probably shouldn't have watched so much of it last night before going to bed, because a) it gave me really fucked up dreams and b) there was no way in hell I was gonna get up and go to the 4:45 stick and puck.

And I really kinda needed to go to try out my knee pads before tomorrow night. Alas, it will be trial by fire for that gear configuration, and after last week, I think Scott may literally be bringing a gun.

Went to lunch with Fred at Christian's. FMD those are some good burgers. Just not the same without Dr. Pepper though. *sniff* I miss you, Doc! And of course, it was great to talk hockey and catch up, but also Fred brought me a prezzie! A 20x30 of this photo:

Photo by Fred Trask

I have no idea what made Fred think I'm a fan of Barry's... *innocent face*

Seriously though, it's so magnificent and life-sized, I nearly threw my bra at it. I don't call Fred Mr. Awesome for nothing, kids.

And now I'm thinking about all the errands I need to run but REALLY don't want to on a Saturday afternoon with everybody else in Houston. But the dog is down to his last meal, so I guess I better be a good mommy and feed him before he starts eating boxes of Kleenex and rolls of toilet paper.

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I've also been thinking a lot about my horrible clusterfuck of a game last week. And when I look back, I can't think of a single shooter I challenged. All I did, all night long, was back up into my crease like the incredible shrinking goalie.

There's stuff going on there, but the bottom line is that it's just one of those things where I have to accept my circumstances and battle through on my own, and I think a big key to doing so is going to be playing with high confidence.

I haven't had much confidence for a while. And I'm realizing that I have to find a way to get my swagger back without coming off like an asshole to my teammates, because I think when you're as bad a goalie as I am, you'll die on the vine waiting to *earn* the swagger.

You just have to come with it, if for no other reason than you're The MFing Goalie, and let it flow. Swagger gives you the bravado to challenge even the best shooters and to keep goals against from getting to you. I just have to find a way to have swagger in my heart and not on my lips.

Fake it til you make it, right?

Meanwhile, I can think about it all I want, but I have to put it into action Sunday at practice and Monday (when I play the SLICE drop-in again). Wish me luck.

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Unskilled, foul-mouthed goalie seeks free, Canadian room and board

I'm reading these Facebook updates from friends in the PNW and, while I realize they had a really awful hot spell and many don't have A/C in their homes... it's now in the 60s there. THE 60s, BITCHES, in AUGUST! OMF!

We won't see 60-nuthin' until maybe late September and that will just be the overnight lows. 60s during the days won't happen until late October.

But of course, the bonus is that that's pretty much where it sits for 4 months--cold enough to keep the mosquitoes at bay but not so cold that you need 4-wheel-drive. But here, in the thick of the heat, my grasp on that perspective is slippery with sweat.

I actually found myself losing my breath a little when I pondered what it would be like to step outside and not think, "Ugh. Gross." at the heat and humidity. That first crisp day each Fall is the best day of the year. I spend at least a month and a half daydreaming about that day.

I've been going through this cycle for 34 years and it never ceases to be mind-bogglingly awful right now and shit-flippingly glorious in October. It never gets easier, but you do at least accept that you'll go through these stages each year:

1. Dreading summer
2. Thinking summer isn't THAT bad
3. Finding that summer hadn't really started and it IS that bad
4. HATING summer
5. Wanting to die
6. Wanting to kill
   
7. Wanting to move to Canada
   
8. Football season starting and hoping relief is around the corner
9. Hockey season starting and KNOWING relief is around the corner
10. Blessed Fall arrives. Huzzah!

I'm at about step 7 right now. So, if any of my Canadian friends have a spare room for me and the dog for a couple of months, I'm not good for much like cooking or cleaning, but I do speak Canadian and my dog is nice. I'll bring my gear and let you shoot pucks at me. I can't promise not to call you a fuckface or something when you score on me. Because, of course, it' s your fault for shooting at me that I suck. :)

So, I'm just throwing it out there. Mr. C is traveling a bunch for work, and once #8 starts, I don't think he'll even know I'm gone. So just drop me a line.

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Quick Hits on an Over-caffeinated, Self-absorbed Monday

• I think I'm the only person I know who loves Mondays. All the stress of stopping pucks is behind me for a few days (though by Wednesday, I'm always ready to go again), which puts me in as light-hearted a mood as I get all week. I have an Egg McMuffin for breakfast. I don't have any recurring meetings on the calendar. It's all good.
• August is a plague upon the calendar. Hottest, most hockeyless month of the year. Worthless POS month. The only thing good about August is a few of the people born this month.

Brusty, one of my fave August behbehs - Photo by Fred Trask

• PHN wants me (and all its writers) to write a column about something hockey-related in August to fill the void. I find myself dry on ideas. I may be a raging attention whore, but I know that in the end, nobody really cares about my opinion on no-touch icing or how the All-Star game should go or whatever "controversial" subject I could muster. *I* don't even care what my opinion is on those things. Nor do I care about anyone else's, except maybe a coach or player's. I'm hip to the fact that I'm just a doofus with a blog.
  
• I've stayed out of the Jerry Meins firing debacle this weekend, not because I don't have an opinion or several, but because I can't support my opinions with anything other than hearsay. "That's never stopped you before!" Yeah, that's true. But my Aeros press pass is among my prized possessions. I'd like to get one this season, too. Clarifying: Which is to say that because I have a responsibility to cover the team with a measure of objectivity, I'm not willing to go off half-cocked on something I have absolutely zero information on.
  
• Got an email from Coach Dan saying I played great last night. I didn't, but he's nice for saying it. Definitely helps my sagging spirits.
• I hated McDonald's iced mochas when I first tried them, but darn if I'm not kinda hooked. My Monday morning Egg McMuffin meal just doubled in price. Damn.
• Tony Robbins Moment: If there's something out there that you feel compelled to try, but put it off or avoided it due to fear of embarrassment, please stop it. Life is too short. Go follow your dreams.
  
• I wonder how the orange creamsicle flavor would work with tiger's blood in a snow cone... I think it has the potential to be the best snow cone flavor combo EVER. (Update: DELICIOUS!)
  
• Got screened a bunch last night and a) didn't let any goals in due to the screen and b) didn't nut anyone. I did give one guy a little shove on his ass with the blade of my stick, but I stayed focused and didn't go apeshit on him. Good job. Though that reminds me of something I was just reading in my goaltending book:

  "If you are going to use your stick to intimidate a player, remember that you don't want it off the ice for too long. A quick, short slash to the ankle area will send the appropriate message without costing your team. You want your opponent to realize that you have the ability to hurt her, and to give you more room to work."

  And it gets better:

  "Sometimes a goaltender will be screened because of the pileup of players that forced her deep in the crease. One way to escape this potentially dangerous situation is to dislodge the net by lifting the crossbar with your shoulders; another is to fall back into one of the posts as though shoved. Of course you can be called for delay of game, so you need to call upon your best acting ability."

  Hey, if you're not cheating, you're not trying.
• You're not alone: #isitoctoberyet
  

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Facelift

Thanks to the Aeros for the bobblehead collection this season.

Not sure how I like the three column format. Whaddaya think?

What's funny is when you first open it on an iPhone, the whole screen is Wiseman and his tongue. Priceless.

Thanks to Getting Pucks Deep for the inspiration.

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Verbeauty and what's left of the playoffs

I feel like a shark without an ocean in the NHL right now as I don't really give a rat's ass about any of the teams left in the playoffs. I've watched a few games but have been pretty consumed with the Aeros and haven't found a team worth adopting for the playoffs.

I don't even care about any of the goalies, which is pretty amazing considering it doesn't take a whole hell of a lot for a goalie to turn me on. I guess Ozzie's kinda got an Opie-like charm and a little leather-flashing razzle-dazzle, but he plays for Detroit, who are just too perfect for me to find lovable.

In fact, I think I only like him because he seems like their weakest link at times, but then overcomes it when he needs to. I guess I like my goalies a bit flawed.

There are a lot of people on the Chicago bandwagon for a variety of reasons that I totally get, but I'm not on it myself. They're too Jonas Brothers, young and sweet. But my exception to the rule is the boy-bandiest of them all, Kris Versteeg, who is so adorable he got his very own category in my rookie rankings earlier this year.

Here's a great article about him, and about the chemistry in the Hawks room, and his part in it. We're not really hearing much about chemistry from any team but this one. Seems like when you've gone further than anybody expected, people want to credit chemistry rather than talent. And maybe that's fair. I think that's at least partly the case here with the Aeros.

Anyway, I'm always fascinated by the whole team chemistry thing, so that was a good read. But it also makes you realize how easily a douchebag or two could really fuck it up and wonder how many teams out there are pretty dysfunctional. Sounds like the Wild were getting to be that way this season.

Then I wonder, is it harder to build good chemistry in the NHL than in the lower leagues where guys are younger and don't have kids and wives distracting them? But then the roster changes so frequently with call ups and fill ins, there's that kind of instability... Things I Ponder About Hockey for $100, Alex.

Back to the playoffs and on to the Pens... I just can't deal with Fleury. And in fact, I just don't really care for the Pens at all. And it's not even a Crosby thing. In fact, he's about the only one on the team I *DO* like, mostly because he's so vilified, which just makes him more appealing. I'm contrary like that.

And finally Carolina... I kinda pull for them because my pal Schultzie loves 'em for some reason (why is that? I've never asked).

I've never seen a whole game of theirs, I don't think. I don't really enjoy hurricanes, so they kinda dredge up bad feelings with that name of theirs... both in the "hey, where'd my roof go?" and the "one blurry, vomity weekend in New Orleans" sense.

So, I dunno. I hate being "homeless" at playoff time. Usually there's ONE team in it that I love or hate or just has a goalie I like. Not so much right now.

Hey, maybe I could sell my fandom on Craig's List and make a little dough? For $200 I'll cheer for your NHL team like they were my own, superstitions and all.

Any takers out there?

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Shout out to Ritch at AmericanHockeyFan.com for pimping Ms. Conduct on his blog today. He's bringing the Bruins-funny over there. Go check it out. I love finding a new blog that's funny and not afraid to drop some strategic f-bombs. That makes my fucking day.

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Random thoughts

Dear Costco Shoppers,

Are you people the f**king laziest SOBs to ever shop at any store anywhere? What the ever-living hell is up with not walking 10 feet to put that giant shopping cart in a corral?

I mean, I know there are circumstances people might be in where they're too tired or whatever (age, illness) and it's a big store and even an athlete such as myself (I'll pause for a second while we all have a good laugh) is just ready to get home after an hour in there.

But seriously, there's no place I shop regularly where the parking lot is so littered with carts. When I went the other day, I had to jump out of my car while I was looking for a spot, and run and stop a rolling cart before it careened into another car. Parking Lot Superhero, I am. I think I ended up putting away 5 carts apart from my own because they were either in the way of parking my car, rolling around the lot, or were just randomly strewn around my path to taking the other carts to the corral.

And seriously, there are huge cart corrals all over the parking lot. It's 1 extra minute of your life that spares everyone a ton of hassle. Please, I beg of you. If you are able-bodied, please put your cart up. If this nut-busting bitch can do it, so can you.

Sincerely,
Ms. Conduct

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I took a nap over lunch because I was up until 3:30 trying to forget that I suck at goaltending. Just a 30 minute cat nap since I've got an Aeros game tonight (we're squeezing this season 'til it screams).

I dreamed that my dog got excited about something in the neighbor's yard and launched himself off our 2nd floor deck and into their yard. It was weird. I was so upset, I woke up out of breath from trying to rescue him.

Does that make it a dog nap?

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So, the texting Brusty feature kinda fizzled over at T3I, but one of the questions I had was something like, "Is Kiss Me Through the Phone the worst modern song ever? If not, what song drives you up the wall?"

Never got an answer to that, but I still really hate that song. I really hate it. And since I never got a chance to express that hate, I'm doing it now.

Here, hate it with me.

See? Man, just... ugh. Hate it.

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I washed my chest protector this morning. The water in the bathtub was this color. I think I could have washed it twice and gotten just a slightly lighter shade of that color the second time, but I didn't.

I wonder if it's ever been washed. I know all that isn't just me. It's at least Scott and one other person's stank soaked in there.

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Okay, that's enough. Here's wishing the best to the boys in the bombers tonight.

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Jacking Hammer's Style

Totally ripping this from Schultzie. Sorry girl, but this blog has gotten so boring without Aeros coverage. Also, Mr. C has a bunch of friends over playing video games and I'm looking for ways to basically just avoid that whole scene.

One of them is singing You Oughta Know by Alanis Morrisette (they're playing Rock Band right now). Seriously, I may just have to leave the house.

1) What's (Who's?) your favorite team?
Aeros and Wild

2) What's your least favorite team?
Ducks, Habs, Rockford

3) Who's your favorite player?
Cal Clutterbuck, Barry Brust

4) Who's your least favorite player?
Darcy "Mother" Tucker, Chris Pronger "is a pussy"

5) Favorite American team?
See #1

6) Favorite Canadian team?
Calgary

7) Favorite International team?
Canada

8) Who's your favorite goalie?
Brusty, in the minors. Turco, Thomas, and Brodeur in the NHL.

9) Least favorite goalie?
Kipper, but just because he fucked up my fantasy hockey this season. I really don't have it in me to dislike a goalie.

10) Favorite fighter?
Who else but Mitch Love?

11) Least favorite fighter?
Anybody beating up one of MY boys.

12) Favorite jersey/uniform/outfit/sweater?
Love the Kings new third. Love the Wild red (but hate the uniform all together). Love seeing the Aeros in their darks.

13) Least favorite jersey/uniform/outfit/sweater?

Florida, Atlanta's and Sen's thirds

14) Do you like home, away, or "third" jerseys best?
Tend to like the thirds just because they're different. Though only in the NHL. Alternate sweaters in the AHL are usually pretty fug.

15) Who do you want to win the Cup?
Anybody but the Ducks

17) Which player would you most like to sit and have coffee with?
Any goalie.

18) What about a beer?
Chris Holt!

19) How about just watch the game with?
I've enjoyed JBourne's bloggeration of the playoffs... I suspect he'd be pretty fun to watch a few frames with.

20) Have an in-depth hockey conversation with?
Again, any goalie. Or really, any bum off the street. I just love to talk hockey, but if I can learn something, the more the better.

21) Do you collect hockey cards, memorabilia, etc?
No. More to dust. Just my Legace stick and a few Aeros bobbles.

22) If so, what's your favorite card?
N/a

23) Which is worth the most, and what's it worth?
How much will you give me for the Curtis Murphy bobble I've got? It's a big one! But it's very dusty.

24) Do you live by any hockey players?
Not as far as I know, unless you count Coach Stalin. Now, if I lived in Sugarland...

26) Do you play hockey?
Absofuckinlutely.

27) What do you wear to hockey games?
Gotta go biz-caz for my writing gig, so it's slacks, a nice t-shirt, and my light jacket with lots of pockets for my writerly things.

28) Do you have any "watching hockey rituals" or anything anyone might consider weird?
Not really, no.

29) What's your favorite hockey memory (as a fan?)
The Cal for Calder thing was pretty fun.

30) What's your favorite hockey commercial?


31) Who's the nicest player you've met?
Haven't actually met too many. Hard to say.

32) Rudest/meanest/most annoying, etc?
Same answer. Of course, there are guys I don't like but they're probably pretty nice off the ice.

33) Who's the best looking (AKA 'off ice favourite')
Mikko Koivu. Dane Crowley. Both make me catch my breath a little. Okay, a lot.

34) Other off-handed/off-ice comments?
None that I'm okay with putting here.

35) Why do you really like hockey?
The grace and skill contrasted/combined with the speed and violence. There's just nothing else like it. That these guys who are so easy going off the ice are such warriors on it. It never gets old for me. My happy place is sitting up at the top of 108 watching the boys do their thing. I'd rather be there more than any other place.

But on the flip side, I'm equally amazed that *I* can play this game, in my own assbackward way, a couple of times a week and am ALMOST as happy as when I'm covering a game. I dunno. Hockey has been completely transformative for me. I owe it a lot.

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Moody

You'd think I'd be steppin' on leprechauns today after the Aeros surprising win last night, but apparently even a playoff win can't quell the tide of irritation I'm feeling today.

Not one thing in particular, just a host of small stuff that I'm trying not to sweat but am failing in varying degrees. Maybe I should just take a nap and STFU, but I don't have time for that. So I'll just ramble here a bit. It's how I roll. (After the fact, I can tell you, as long as it took me to write this, I could have taken a pretty nice nap.)

Goalie Demo Day... in Dallas

So, I'm banging around Facebook and, what's this? An ad in the sidebar that actually interests me? WTF? Is this some kind of Bizarro Facebook?

Anyway, it was for the Goalie Demo day that they're doing at the Player's Bench in Grapevine (Dallas), where you can try on gear and get out on the ice and have people shoot at you in the gear you're thinking of buying.

But what gripes me is that Texas goalies ALL have to go to Big D to actually try on gear before they buy it. It sucks. I really have no need for anything. My skates are fitting nicely now, I'm working a local glove and blocker angle (and don't really mind buying them online if it comes to that).

All I really would like after that is a new chest protector that doesn't leave my biceps so vulnerable but other than that, I like my c/a just fine. Honestly, the smell of it eases me in hockey mode (whereas the smell of my glove and blocker catapults me into "AUGH, my hands smell like ASS!!" mode).

Still wouldn't it be nice to just go to a big store and wallow in a selection of goalie gear? Man. I'm so jealous.

Hockey Vacation

So, my pal Nick does this thing where he plays goal for an adult hockey camp. It's not a goalie camp but they like to have students shooting on a moving target. That sounds like a helluva a way to spend a week, but I'm not ready for several hours a day for a week on the ice. However, it is my goal to attend next year.

But I was thinking... since it's pretty unlikely we'll get a vacation this year and I've got lots of vacation saved up, maybe I'll just take 4 afternoons a week for a couple of weeks to go to stick and pucks. Sort of a hockey half-vacation. Only burn 2 vacation days a week doing it and still get a day off after novice.

I dunno. Something to ponder. I need to see if goalies tend to show up more while school is out. I don't want to show up and they've already got 2 goalies. Too much hassle to not get to play the full hour.

Kurtis Foster

I was already really pissed that Fozzie didn't get at least among the finalists for the Masterton. Then I read in Russo today that the voting process was extremely squirrely. It's bullshit.

Not to diminish the accomplishments of the guys who were named finalists, but come on. If you followed what Foster went through and his incredible work ethic and positive attitude in coming back. I just don't see another story out that rates. Not even close.

Wow

My quad muscles are getting big. Cool. They're still sore after Wednesday's game. Must have been doing something different, as that's a new place to be sore. All that up and down, I guess. Go figure.

Coach Stalin and I are getting together Saturday do some hockey things. Just banging around like old times. Should be fun, and Scott TFCG is gonna be all on my ass Sunday night so I better have my fun while I can. :)

The 'rents are traveling through Houston and will come out Sunday night, so maybe I'll equip them with the video camera so I can face the harsh reality. Ugh. Not sure I'm ready for that.

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*crickets* Just random crap on a lazy Sunday

Quiet over here, we've been so busy at The Third Intermission with non-stop playoff action. Just a reminder to go check out the Aeros coverage over there if that's what you're into.

I'm loving what the site has developed into. Exactly what I wanted when I was a fan in the stands. And I don't say that to brag, because other than my own posts, not one bit of it was my idea. Even Texting Brusty wasn't my idea. Really! I swear! Ask Andrew! (Though really, it should have been called "Textual Relations with Barry Brust" amIright? No? Squares.)

Hockey practice for me tonight. Need to do some stretching today. Then I'll spend the rest of the day talking myself into getting "up" for it.

Also, I ordered overdrive blades, which arrived from Canada yesterday. Shhh. They're illegal in USA Hockey, but I think that's ridiculous and who the hell is checking? Seems like people who have them, like them, and credit them for saving them from some exploding groins. Looks like it will take a bit of doing to get them installed, so I'll go au naturale tonight and I'll install them this week so I can take them to the skate shop if I have trouble. And hopefully try them out at stick and puck later in the week.

Speaking of Canada, I'll have to share my new theory on Canadianity as a religion rather than a nationality sometime. Like, "I'm from Texas, and I'm a Baptist and I love Jesus." but instead it's, "I'm from Texas, and I'm a Canadian and I love Hockey." I haven't fully fleshed this out yet, but I will say that I do gaze upon my goalie pads hanging on the garage wall during the week with a certain religious reverence.

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Wild Nation Radio

Honestly, I'm a writer, not so much a talker. But I do love to talk about the Aeros, so I'm lending the farm team perspective to the Wild Nation Radio broadcast.

I hate listening to myself recorded, but hopefully, if you choose to listen (it's about an hour long), you won't hate listening to me recorded.

Linkage is here.

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Thoughts on a dying hockey season and looking ahead

Well, another season has ended. In spite of a little fraying around the edges on my part, as I've stretched myself pretty thin with all my hockey pursuits, it really feels like the season just started a couple of months ago.

Perhaps that's because neither of my teams ever really got off the ground and found themselves. Always one step forward and two back for the Wild. One forward and one back for the Aeros, with the occasional three forward and three back. What a weird thing it's been to cover the team this year.

And here we are at the end, at least for the Wild, though honestly, my hopes aren't very high anymore for the Aeros getting out of the first round. Maybe I'm just taking some self-defense measures with my skepticism, but I don't think so. The Good Aeros are SO good, but so ephemeral and fleeting. The Mediocre Aeros seem to be the default.

I suppose melancholy is the word for my mood today.

Anyway, I'm looking down the road a bit at things on my mind that I want to write about. I've got lots of thoughts on Constantine as a potential replacement for Lemaire in Minnesota. I've got some post-season awards to hand out. I've got my NHL playoff picks. I've got some ideas for how to spend the long, hot, hockeyless summer. These should fill a little of the immediate post-season void.

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In honor of...

• Sean Avery returning to pro hockey.
• Rob Daum returning to head coaching in the AHL.
• Having this song stuck in my head for 3 days straight and just wanting to eradicate it or at least share the misery with my fine readers.

Poison by Alice Cooper

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