Monday, July 27, 2009

Quick Hits on an Over-caffeinated, Self-absorbed Monday

  • I think I'm the only person I know who loves Mondays. All the stress of stopping pucks is behind me for a few days (though by Wednesday, I'm always ready to go again), which puts me in as light-hearted a mood as I get all week. I have an Egg McMuffin for breakfast. I don't have any recurring meetings on the calendar. It's all good.
  • August is a plague upon the calendar. Hottest, most hockeyless month of the year. Worthless POS month. The only thing good about August is a few of the people born this month.
Brusty, one of my fave August behbehs - Photo by Fred Trask
  • PHN wants me (and all its writers) to write a column about something hockey-related in August to fill the void. I find myself dry on ideas. I may be a raging attention whore, but I know that in the end, nobody really cares about my opinion on no-touch icing or how the All-Star game should go or whatever "controversial" subject I could muster. *I* don't even care what my opinion is on those things. Nor do I care about anyone else's, except maybe a coach or player's. I'm hip to the fact that I'm just a doofus with a blog.
  • I've stayed out of the Jerry Meins firing debacle this weekend, not because I don't have an opinion or several, but because I can't support my opinions with anything other than hearsay. "That's never stopped you before!" Yeah, that's true. But my Aeros press pass is among my prized possessions. I'd like to get one this season, too. Clarifying: Which is to say that because I have a responsibility to cover the team with a measure of objectivity, I'm not willing to go off half-cocked on something I have absolutely zero information on.
  • Got an email from Coach Dan saying I played great last night. I didn't, but he's nice for saying it. Definitely helps my sagging spirits.
  • I hated McDonald's iced mochas when I first tried them, but darn if I'm not kinda hooked. My Monday morning Egg McMuffin meal just doubled in price. Damn.
  • Tony Robbins Moment: If there's something out there that you feel compelled to try, but put it off or avoided it due to fear of embarrassment, please stop it. Life is too short. Go follow your dreams.
  • I wonder how the orange creamsicle flavor would work with tiger's blood in a snow cone... I think it has the potential to be the best snow cone flavor combo EVER. (Update: DELICIOUS!)
  • Got screened a bunch last night and a) didn't let any goals in due to the screen and b) didn't nut anyone. I did give one guy a little shove on his ass with the blade of my stick, but I stayed focused and didn't go apeshit on him. Good job. Though that reminds me of something I was just reading in my goaltending book:
    "If you are going to use your stick to intimidate a player, remember that you don't want it off the ice for too long. A quick, short slash to the ankle area will send the appropriate message without costing your team. You want your opponent to realize that you have the ability to hurt her, and to give you more room to work."
    And it gets better:
    "Sometimes a goaltender will be screened because of the pileup of players that forced her deep in the crease. One way to escape this potentially dangerous situation is to dislodge the net by lifting the crossbar with your shoulders; another is to fall back into one of the posts as though shoved. Of course you can be called for delay of game, so you need to call upon your best acting ability."
    Hey, if you're not cheating, you're not trying.
  • You're not alone: #isitoctoberyet


MotleySu  July 27, 2009 at 11:58 AM  

Love your Monday morning stream of consciousness. Seems like we're kinda swimming in the same stream. Well, except for the goalie part. You are my hero for getting out there and doing it.

KiPA - Kevin in PA  July 27, 2009 at 3:33 PM  

I don't mind Mondays so much but mainly because I've never worked your standard, Monday-to-Friday, 9-to-5 job. Often I received Monday off from work. So it's not really that bad a thing for me. It's more like "every day" for me.

Also, on dislodging the net as a goalie: Don't take your acting lessons from Chris Osgood.

Ms. Conduct  July 27, 2009 at 3:38 PM  

I'm not big on the net-dislodging. There's not really any padding on the back of a goalie's upper body, so ramming backwards into the crossbar or post appeals to me not at all. My defense will have to work that scam if it's going to happen for me.

artandhockey  July 27, 2009 at 3:47 PM  

Hockey article in August?
I may have a suggestion....track the 'Boyz on ice' and find out what they have been doing -- seems to me I read somewhere Mitch Love gives/gave a hockey camp, for instance. Or partying? Or getting married? Or???? the list could go on and on.. ;)

Ms. Conduct  July 27, 2009 at 3:49 PM  

LOL I'm afraid that may feel stalkerish coming from me! :D

I think they're looking less for "news" and more for commentary on some hockey "issue"... Frankly, my only issue is that there's an off-season at all.

artandhockey  July 27, 2009 at 6:40 PM  

A 'scholarly' treatise on Hockey History or should that be Hysteria ...on the other hand, favoritisms will be excused...

Anonymous  July 27, 2009 at 9:56 PM  

I think you should totally write how there should be no off-season. No off-season would be awesome! :)

Mason  July 28, 2009 at 10:19 AM  

A non-newsy, non-opinionated, uncontroversial hockey article... in August? Are they sure they want anything at all? :)

Ms. Conduct  July 28, 2009 at 11:13 AM  

No, they DO want opinion on some "issue" in hockey. They want us to be columnists for a month.

Mason  July 28, 2009 at 4:49 PM  

[Reading carefully this time. My bad!] Oh man. That's brute. At this point of the off season, that's like asking you to make Molson from water!

Ms. Conduct  July 28, 2009 at 4:59 PM  

Yeah, indeed. I got nothing. It's just not a type of writing that's in my wheelhouse. You want to know which goalies make my palms sweat, I can go on all day about that.

KiPA - Kevin in PA  July 29, 2009 at 2:18 AM  

Write about these long-term (10+ years) contracts and whether they're cheating the salary cap or not.

(Hint: They are.)

Or write about starting the season earlier and/or shortening the schedule. Hockey in June? My team has played the last two Junes and it still feels weird.

Or discuss suspending referees above the ice so they get their fucking asses out of the goddamn way. And it's likely to give them a better view on what's going on. We have the technology.

Talk about banning annoying ass horns or sirens that some arenas utilize. Some aren't bad but there are a shitload of awful ones.

Start a campaign to institute a new rule that any time a team scores in the final minute or two of a game, particularly a playoff game, but they're still down by at least three goals AFTER scoring said goal (or down by two with under 30 seconds left), the arena staff is NOT allowed to blow their annoying ass horn or shine their fancy spotlight on the guy who scored. People, you're still getting your asses kicked. There's no damn reason to celebrate. I think I saw the Rangers do that against the Caps in the playoffs this year.

Talk about how the diving penalty has gone out the window. Or the same with charging. Or discuss calling diving or the hook/trip/hold but not both. Or discuss calling both. Or discuss how goalies seem to be exempt from the rule. Or how goalies seem to be exempt from delay of game after dislodging their own net on purpose. (Biggest violator: Marty Turco.)

Come up with a new system of handing out suspensions. Examples: Any time a stick is used to injure someone, it's a minimum of 10 games. If you stomp on someone with your skate, it's 20. Etc., etc.

Ban Pierre McGuire. (This isn't necessarily a column idea for you, it's just something I'd like to see happen.)

Ban Mike Milbury. (See above.)

Discuss the TV deal and whether there's more merit in being the top sport on a network like Versus or the 19th sport on a major channel like ESPN.

Ban Pierre McGuire.

Talk about these fucking sticks that break when players lean on or sneeze on them and question if there won't be a change until someone takes a splinter in the eye.

Talk about the uncanny hotness of sisters/girlfriends of hockey players at the NHL draft. You want to talk about some quality viewing? Hot damn.

Ban Pierre McGuire.

Okay, I'm drawing blanks now.

(P.S. Ban Pierre McGuire!)

Ms. Conduct  July 29, 2009 at 6:36 AM  

See, this is writing that is much more in Kevin's wheelhouse. The problem for me is that I can see both sides of an issue and never can really decide which side I'm on. And even when I do decide, my argument goes something like, "Because I said so."

And I completely agree on PM. He's a dooshweasel.

Mason  July 29, 2009 at 10:36 AM  

All great ideas, Kevin.

How about the girlfriends who go to games, wear pink versions of their team's jersey, sit sideways in the stands gabbing with their other pink-jersey-wearing girlfriends, text the whole game, and only pay attention when an aforementioned awful goal horn sounds?

KiPA - Kevin in PA  July 29, 2009 at 4:16 PM  

"And I completely agree on PM. He's a dooshweasel."

I think you found your column idea.

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