Man, I wish I could have seen tonight's Wild game against Philly. How goddamn smart is Clutterbuck? People can talk about how agitators don't belong in the game but if there was ever an agitator who makes the case FOR agitators, it's Clutter.
Of course, most guys just aren't as smart about it. They run around willy nilly. Not my guy, baby. He's laser-guided and heat-seeking... BOOOM, bitches! Game changer.
Played my Memorial City drop-in tonight. Didn't take good care of myself today because I was so busy. Only ate one meal and that was at 5:30 in the evening. Didn't drink enough water. Just generally wasn't prepared to play, and now I feel ooky.
Goalies, do you ever have a game occasionally where you get on the ice and it's like you haven't skated in 10 years? I felt so off balance tonight. Took me a good 30 minutes to stop feeling like a Weeble Wobble. But like a Weeble, I didn't fall down. I also didn't stop a lot of pucks either.
5-hole was baaaaaad tonight. Stick on the ice, bitch. And I must have put at least 3 goals in the net off myself. Just ugly and lacking physical self-awareness in a bad way.
But the other end was a cone, so at least I was more fun than no goalie at all. AND I stayed cool like Fonzie, so I was proud of that after my meltdown last time.
Oddly enough, I sent 3 pucks out of the rink off my blocker. I don't think I've ever sent ONE out and it was 3 tonight.
I tried to do a big poke check on the cute little kid who plays with us. He got a breakaway and the puck was floating down ahead of him a bit, so I skated out, but he deked around my slow ass and MISSED THE EMPTY NET. But he managed to retrieve it before I could get back and put it in. Oh well. At least I tried the big poke check.
I think the mental hurdle tonight of getting past the frustration of getting scored on a bunch is a victory, even if the score wasn't. I'm too tired and thirsty to really give a crap right now.
Anyway, it was fun-ish. At the very least, it was a decent workout. Or at least sweat-out.
As usual, can't sleep, though there's really nothing about my game tonight that should keep me up, so I'll probably crash pretty soon. I'll keep this brief.
The most exciting thing happening at the rink was that Jessica was playing goal at the other end. I really admire when players are willing to try out playing goal. She was good, kind of a Hasek "just get something in front of it" style and it was effective.
In fact... she beat me. AUGH. I know. But let's face it, the girl is just straight up athletic and I'm straight up not, so I'm okay with that. I knew this wouldn't come naturally to me at all and it hasn't, but it's still just stupid fun.
I think the final was 4-5, but I played one of my better games and felt like I was in the zone a lot of the time. Felt really good. Most of the shots that got past me were just good shots. I let one in 5-hole that was soft as kittens. And one where I was double screened. I should have just gone down. I would have gotten it.
A couple from Mikey were such fast shots, I'm not even sure how or where they went in on me. Vroom!
I was inspired by another goalie over the weekend and got my glove involved more for blocking. Tipped one of (I think) Mikey's shots over the net when he tried to pick my glove corner. It was kinda sweet.
I just sorta felt like a real goalie tonight. I don't have many nights like that, so that felt good. Plus, it was fun getting Jessica dressed, watching her play, and cheering for her great saves. And she had a blast. I don't think she's ready to go full time but I think she appreciates the position's thrills more now. It's always fun to watch the position reveal itself to someone else. It's a beautiful thing.
I've had two songs stuck in my head all weekend, and you know the surefire way to unload a stuck song is to inflict them on someone else.
I was thinking last night, I've learned an awful lot in my 9 months as a goalie. I know several of my readers are goalies or goalie freaks, so I thought I'd do a series of goalie and hockey lessons so you, too, can benefit from my learnings.
The first lesson is on how to deal with someone screening you in goal.
There are two kinds of screens: Friendly and Enemy.
Friendly Screens Sometimes your own defenseman (or even forward if things are really crazy) can screen you. This is annoying, but you know they mean well, so don't treat them like an enemy screen.
Just start yelling "SCREEEEEEN!!! SCREEEEEEEN!!!" at their backs while they stay exactly where they are until the play moves or you get scored on.*
Enemy Screens These are a whole other animal and when the opponent is screening you, it's your chance as an insane goalie to get your crazy on. The key to dealing with this kind of screen is to make the motherf**ker pay a price for invading your space.
Be forewarned though: Skaters don't understand that in your puck-dented brain, your "bubble of authority" extends a foot or two out of the blue paint.
So they're thinking, "Hey, I'm not in the paint! Why are you hitting me?"
And you're thinking, "GETTHEF**KOUTTAMYWAY!"... but the reason you're thinking that is because your keen goalie mind has instantly sorted out the geometry of the situation, and you know instinctively that the puck is far enough away that being in the paint puts you too deep to cut down the angle properly.
Along with that knowledge is the feeling in the pit of your belly that this is a threatening situation, and when a human is threatened, they have a fight or flight response. I'm gonna wager most people who play hockey will go for the fight response pretty much every time, and that means -- Punkass is about to get a beating.
Timmmaaaaay is having none of Dandenault's screen. Look where he is in relation to his crease. That's right, motherf**ker. That's our space, too.
Now, my first time dealing with a screen, I gave the guy a little shove in the back with my glove, but it was clear he was growing roots and every nanosecond that ticked by, my fight response was getting more Nuclear.
And so, without even thinking, I put my goalie stick between his legs and gave the twig and berries a tap. Just enough to make him feel as threatened as I felt; not a full blown nutting spree. Now, before I go on and tell you how immensely effective this is, especially if the ref doesn't see it, I will tell you that you will get in trouble from the guys on your team (and on the other team... and your goalie coach... and pretty much everyone) for doing this.
Guys are really fond of their junk. Like, insanely fond. So while this Nuclear approach to dealing with a screen works... oh man, does it work..., as with most nuclear tactics, there are consequences that probably just aren't worth the hassle.
A slightly less nuclear but still very satisfying approach is just to start shoving them in the back as hard as you can. Glove, blocker, stick, whatever you've got. Beat them like they're trying to rob you because that IS what they're trying to do.
You'll still get shit for this. They'll whine that they weren't in the paint and therefore they're allowed to be there, but don't back down. Just because the rules of hockey allow them to be there doesn't mean you have to roll out the red carpet and give them a shoulder massage while they're there.
Of course, the trick here is to also:
Maintain visual contact with the puck
Stay square to the puck
Keep your stick on the ice
Pay attention to where Punkass's teammates are
Stay low, mobile, and ready to react if the puck is shot
So, that's an awful lot to do but it is, of course, the primary job. Moonlighting as an attack goalie can't interfere with your responsibility to the puck. But frankly, if one does get past you, at least you got to hit someone a whole bunch. Win!!**
*This doesn't apply to me, of course, because my defensemen are friggin' awesome and I'm almost never screened by them. Seriously. They rock so hard and save my bacon so often...
**For the sense of humor-challenged, I'm kidding of course. The real, sane-person way to deal with an enemy screen is to poke them in the back of the knees with your stick blade until they buckle***.
***Okay, still kidding. You should actually just jab your stick blade at the back of their skates, because this ensures your stick stays on the ice****.
****Look, if you want real goaltending advice, just ask Coach Jules. "Be a man, motherf**ker!"
I found this fascinating blog devoted to Kari Lehtonen. He's a goalie not much on my radar, but hey, you never know when goalie love is going to stick to you like superglue, so I dig it.
Anyway, a post yesterday about the mental process of goaltending kinda stuck out to me as interesting even out of the Lehtonen context:
However if we speak about goalies it’s impossible for them to remove all the negative statements from their mind since their game duty is to generate negative messages for opposing team. Once Kari confessed to the media that he enjoyed making a guest arena silenced with his game (can’t find exact quote). That’s a difficult emotional task – being outward-negative to stay inward-positive . Perhaps, this ambivalence makes goalies more self-centered, more complicated and different from other players, but that is the part of their game.
I think that just blew my mind (not difficult). Fellow goalies, does this ring a bell?
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Puck Daddy has a whole post on this shootout goal by Nazem Kadri. I don't see what the big deal is. The old deke and tuck. Guy's probably been doing that since he was 9. More amazing is that Curry bit on the deke, but hey, you can't win 'em all.
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Bold Prediction: Matt Beaudoin will play some regular season NHL games this year for Dallas.
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Great Clutterbuck article by Russo today. Though have you ever read a bad Clutterbuck article? Kid's a great story and a great quote. He's a beat writer's dream come true, but of course, Russo rocks it extra hard because that's just what he does.
Read more...
Ahhhhh.... I just watched professional hockey players play hockey. They skated, they fought, they scored, they saved, they blocked shots... I spent the full 2.5 hours with an ear to ear grin. I just love hockey.
And I forgot how fucking awesome a good penalty kill is. Oh sweet Jesus.
What is weird is watching a game where neither team is the home team. Kings v. Isles in Kansas City. Mostly lukewarm cheers, and not really the most educated crowd as there was a near total lack of appreciation for penalty kills or a good clear or those little things that hockey fans appreciate.
But it really didn't matter. The score didn't matter. Who won fights didn't matter. Even the goalies didn't much matter (Quick vs. Lawson). I was excited to see Lawson as Bourne said he's a good puck mover, though I didn't see a bunch of that tonight, except for one puck that he cleared down the center of the ice. He's a feisty goalie though, and did plenty of hacking and whacking to defend his turf, so that, of course, thrilled me to no end.
Anyway, the Kings won and this guy Sutton on the Islanders is such a meathead and Simmonds is a beast.
Now THAT'S what a football game should be like, apart from my team losing.
If you are an old school football fan and you haven't been to a Chiefs game, especially against a rival, you just haven't lived.
These people are actually there to watch football. And they watch football. Unlike Texans games where the only time the crowd has any life is when the cheerleaders are doing their 2 minute warning dance. Otherwise, they're busy buying beer, getting up to pee, dicking around with their cell phones, etc etc. I saw two people pulling out their cell phones today and I was married to one of them.
When the Chiefs do something bad, Chiefs fans get MAD. They boo and grouse and holler at the dunderhead who screwed up. They still care. Texans fans, for the most part, quit caring a couple of seasons ago and as yet, the team has given them no reason to begin caring again.
Even the halftime show honoring the 50th anniversary of the start of the team was old school. They were just one marching band and twirler shy of a total reversion to 1967.
Loud? Yeah. Bitches know how to bring the noise, literally. Banging on the seats (which are hollow, so thunderous when everybody gets to banging on them), clapping, yelling, you name it. Beautiful. And it's not piped in like at the Texans.
Stadium? Outdoors. Every damn bit of it. And yeah, we got sunburned and it was hot (and will be cold in a few weeks), but it felt authentic. Not the sterile Reliant box.
Anyway, you get my point. Do yourself a favor and get up to KC for a game. I remember now why I ever loved football. This is what it's all about. Read more...
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