Monday, January 24, 2011

Public skate, Icy revenge, GoaliesGoaliesGoalies

I hate leaving up such a negative post for so long, but nothing has come along to replace it yet. The lack of novice league on Saturdays is cramping my bloggy style, bitches. But I do love the lack of guilt now that I'm not taking up every Saturday with hockey.

I did get a little ice today though, as Coach Stalin had new skates she wanted to test out before her game tonight. So we hit the public skate and reminded ourselves of why we hate public skate. And amazingly, it's even worse than it used to be now that they've got those awful "walker" things for kids (and some adults) to hold themselves up on the ice with.

I get that skating is scary at first. I was sure I was definitely going to die my first time skating, but IN MY DAY we didn't have those walkers and we learned to skate JUST FINE. :)

The problem is, kids who can't actually skate (read: stop) can actually get up a decent head of steam using these things and then it turns into, like, bumper car day at the retirement home. Walkers crashing into walkers. Total gong show.

I preferred the days when the benders would cling meekly to the boards and people who CAN skate would safely do their twirls and laps in the open space. Not that it ever actually happened like that, as it was actually just as dangerous, but without the SCRAAAAAAPE SCRAAAAAPE SCRAAAAPE of those idiot walkers on the ice.

But one is obligated to romanticize the good ol' days before contraptions ruined everybody's fun.

Anyway, back to today's skate. Of course, Chilly was there hitting on everybody. I pretend I hate it, but I like it. I don't get hit on much, so if you can skate and you want to hit on me, go for it, even with your giant smelly dog outfit on.

Yeah, that's how apathetic about my own phobias in the name of a cuddle I am now. Fake advances from a man in a dog suit. *sigh* FML.

Also, I wore my goalie skates (sans pads), and that is as bad or maybe worse than I remember from the last time I did it. For those who've never worn the gear, goalie skates have a low soft/pliable ankle, so they're pretty unstable. Having your pads strapped to them stabilizes them, but without the pads, it's bender city.

I've seen good skaters who can skate around in goalie skates as well as someone in player skates and frankly, my hat's off to them. I can't figure that out. It's like finding a football player who can do the 40 yard dash in clown shoes as well as someone doing it in regular running shoes.

So, 30 minutes of that was more than enough. I will lovingly strap my pads on Monday night and appreciate my gear for all its wonderful interconnected functionality.

Oh! I also bought a SweetStick. Haven't tried it yet as I plan to get sharpened tomorrow night anyway, but I was happy to find them in stock locally. They're a lot more expensive online for some reason, so I'd been putting it off. Hoping it will help me keep more of a freshly sharpened feeling between games.


Meanwhile, my OCD brain is still torturing me for Tuesday's game. You can tell me to relax, lighten up, don't take it so seriously, whatever, but it doesn't sink in. I still lay in bed at night and replay Captain Meaniepants's "move" that she keeps beating me on.

I feel like a little kid whose been bullied by the same kid over and over. I'm beyond annoyed or embarrassed. I'm angry. Just blood-boiling angry. Like little Ralphie, who finally snaps and beats the everliving snot out of Scut Farkus.

I have a plan of attack for her move. But I have spies reading so I'll say no more. ;) Gonna practice it Monday night. If I don't shock the hell out of those guys, then I'm doing it wrong.


Post-Weekend Goalie Update:

Brusty is still fucking awesome, natch. 38 saves (WHERETHEHELLISTHEDEFENSE?) and 4 PIM in his win over Manchester. I asked the AHL about goalie PIM because I was sure he must be leading the league but some how Justin Pogge has 50 PIM. Holy balls! Did he KILL someone on the ice?

Brusty is only halfway there, so I think he's gonna have to partake in a bench clearing brawl and probably carve some poor soul up with his stick blade to catch him. I vote for Sheldon Souray as the carvee!

Jaeger had a shutout the other day that ended in a 15-0 score. What the everliving hell? The other team also got beat 18-something a few weeks ago. I'd spend my free time drunk and on suicide watch if I were their goalie.

At some point, wouldn't it just be better to have your goalie do the splits on the goal line and have all 5 of the rest of them crowd the front of the net like a wall to keep pucks out? That's gotta be more effective than whatever they're doing.

Keumper is the best goalie in the history of the CHL. Okay, maybe not, but he's just having the sickest season  ever. He should change his first name to Can'tsolve because that's what's before his last name in every article I read. "Warriors can't solve Kuemper" etc. Kid is so money. I hope all this success isn't fucking him up.

Hackett's growing on me. Little by little. Anton is doing whatever the opposite of that is. Sorry kid. Time for the ol' change of scenery, I think.


Anonymous  January 24, 2011 at 10:03 AM  

Have you seen today's Puck Daddy posts? Goalie awesomeness. The line "Jim Henson's Ron Hextall Babies" reminded me of you.

Plus: hilarious bonus footage of Turco snarking from the backup's seat. Truly, it is a good day to be watching goalies.

Ms. Conduct  January 24, 2011 at 10:16 AM  

Yeah, was funny to wake up to that today. Gotta say, as much as I love my goalies to have balls, I'm not buying it with Pogge. Seems like an act.

And yeah, the Turco thing made me LOL. Love that guy. Wish he played goal better....

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