Augh, f**k.

So, I knew when I was getting out of my car and my teammate, who was also getting out of his car, asked me how I was doing and I heard myself say, "GREAT!" and mean it... that I was gonna play like shit.

It wasn't an entirely conscious realization, but I look back and know that somewhere in my mind, that thought fluttered through: You're SO in the wrong frame of mind.

On the spectrum of moods or states of mind, which runs pretty wide for me, the band in which I play goal best is VERY narrow. It's intense and calm and angry, which is kind of a tough place to get to... or to even WANT to be for a laid back gal like me. It's definitely not the great mood, head in the clouds state of mind that I was in tonight.

But the great mood soured rapidly as I let in a shit ton of soft goals in the first period. But the distracted mind, as much as I talked to myself and tried to drag myself into the game, wouldn't shake off. I just couldn't get there. I look back and feel like I sleep-walked through the whole game. Like, did that even just happen? Sadly, yes.

All told, I let in 9, but that was only with a really great second period. I'm not even going to bother going over the goals. I honestly can't say I even stopped as many as I let in. Now that's brutal. All of them were just fucking stupid goals, and that's with the other team's best player, who must have gotten 5 breakaways, putting pity shots on me. Even one of those got through. Fuck.

And of course Scott TFCG was in goal at the other end playing like... a real goalie. I'm playing like someone they strapped the pads on at the last minute and said, "Eh, it's not that hard. Go get 'em, kiddo!"

Since I got to the rink way early, I stopped and bought a 12 pack of Dos Equis. Little did I know when I did that that it would be Apology Beer, but it sure was. And for the first time, I was so pissed about a game, I was just like, "Fuck it" and drank until everything was so funny, my knees buckled when I laughed.

Lemme just say: God Bless Beer League. I dunno how these little kids go through years of hockey without the sweet nectar of brew waiting for them at the end. The joys of being an adult.

Anyway, 4 beers in, I was drunk. Too drunk to drive anyway, so I went to the bar to sober up (seriously, just had a nibble of food and water). And demanded to hear dick jokes, because... well... dick jokes are funny. So, thanks to Amanda, Dave, and Mitch for making me forget the steaming pile of shit I left in my net tonight, at least for a little while. God Bless Beer League.

Didn't roll into the house until 3 a.m. Tried to go to bed, but knew I had to vent here a bit before the brain was going to comply with my orders to shut the fuck up and sleep. 4 a.m. now. Tomorrow is gonna suuuuck.