Tuesday, September 21, 2010

So, put the stick where, d-man?

Remember how I bragged on my awesome d-man talking to me in a way that's useful? Well, tonight I had the opposite happen. I was so focused on my new pads feeling weird (more on that later) that I didn't really think about it until I was driving home, but the more I think about it, the more absurd it is.

So, hot shot in the Crosby jersey is charging into the slot. He does a little deke to my glove side as he sets up to shoot and I have to slide over a touch as I'm dropping into my butterfly.

Well, he beat me to the punch and the puck went just under my left pad, bing bang boom. Meh, whatever, I'm still getting used to these pads and I'm distracted by them and my timing is off. It's drop-in. No big deal.

But then my defenseman comes to me, unsolicited, and says...

"If you keep your stick on the ice, that won't go through."


I said (imagine me using the Marcel the Shell voice), "I think it went under my pad actually."

"Oh, I dunno, I didn't see it."

You what now? You have advice for me on a goal you didn't see?


No, I'd never heard of this stick on the ice thing. Why didn't one of you bitches tell me about this before? I've been lifting it up on purpose because I'm a complete and utter fucking idiot.

I have nothing more to say about that. But I'll certainly endeavor to try incorporating this "stick on the ice" newfangledry into my game.


New pads were... awkward.

On the upside: My knees are SOOO HAPPPYYYYYYY!!!! I was pegging my net and that was my first butterfly on the ice. It was like landing in a big pile of cotton balls. Glorious! Babies could sleep blissfully in my knee padding. It's magic.

On the downside: Have you ever tried to slide laterally on a big pile of cotton balls? My first attempt at butterfly sliding turned into a butterfly block that went absolutely nowhere, until I got up and fished the puck out of the net.

Also, there's like 3x as much padding between my knees and the very most annoying thing about the pads was being unable to stand like I always do when the play is away from me. I know that sounds weird, but it was really goddamn annoying. I had no idea I stood in such a specific way, but I do. I put most of my weight on my left leg and kinda jut my left hip out.

I think I do it because I'm set to move from there. If my weight is balanced between my feet, then I have to load to one side and then make a move. But because the knee stacks are so thick, I can't comfortably stand shifted any more.

It's something I know I'll get used to but it was surprisingly distracting all game long. And I played like dog shit. Literally. A pile of dog shit woulda stopped more pucks.


I had more but now I have hiccups and they're giving me a headache. So I'll leave it with this song, which kicked me out of my funk on the way to the rink tonight. Sending this out to my friend who isn't enjoying his job right now ;)...


Aubrey  September 21, 2010 at 1:46 AM  

Babies could sleep blissfully in my knee padding.

Sounds lovely! As long as you remove the babies while you play, otherwise they might get distracting. Or maybe you could keep them stashed in there until some moron offers you advice. Then whip a baby out of your pads and get it to puke on the moronic advisor.

maalivahti  September 21, 2010 at 6:12 AM  

Don't worry about the defenseman. Remember- he's a skater. They have fewer brain cells. ;)

As for your pads, I know EXACTLY what you mean about the way you stand! That drove me nuts when mine were new too. Eventually you'll adjust and not even realize it. But yeah, new pads are distracting as hell. If you have some time alone in the net, try some skating exercises (from one post to opposite top corner of crease, across to other top corner, back to opposite post) just to get the feel of moving around in them. That really helped for me.

Ms. Conduct  September 21, 2010 at 8:42 AM  

Oh, I'm no more worried about that d-man than I am about the goal. He's snarled at me before and probably assumes he can do better, as many do who haven't played goal. Hell, he's probably right, but he's NOT doing it, so STFU. ;)

Glad I'm not the only one on the weird stance thing. My back was sore (rather than my knees for a change) because I just felt like I never could shift into neutral, KWIM? Constantly shifting, trying to find a comfortable way to stand. But yeah, I know it will become second nature before long. And for my knees, it's totally worth it.

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